I just read your other posts also. And I've changed my mind about giving advice.
As a Christian, I don't believe that we have to stay in a bad situation because it is the Lord's plan for us. He gave us free will to make choices. And He will help those who help themselves.
Look at it this way. His plan may be for you to change your life course. Forgive if you feel that it is a Christian requirement, but look to truth and light for your own sake and leave the pain and darkness behind.
((((Hugs to you))))