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Newest Member: Angry3 (50560)

User Topic: im struggling
♀ 43465
Member # 43465
Default  Posted: 3:50 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm struggling so much.

I'm sinking to new blows I hate even saying the words as they fly out my mouth .

I hate and love him .

I love him I need him I want him.
He disgusts me,he's weak,he's hurt me and I dont think ill ever heal.

He's being a better husband but its still not enough

Posts: 79 | Registered: May 2014
♀ 43530
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hand in there. I'm going to bed soon but I just wanted you to know that someone is listening and thinking of you right now.

Breath, breath again. Please know that you will get through this. What you are feeling is totally normal and in the end YOU are going to be OK.

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

BW: 43 (me) WH: 42 (him)
DD-13, DS-11
DDay 1 = 1/13, DDay2 = 7/14 (False R), D 4/15

Posts: 625 | Registered: May 2014 | From: NorCal
♀ 43865
Member # 43865
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel your pain, everything that your feeling is completely normal, I feel it too.
It debilitates for anything normal, life as you know it is so different now, its like a bereavement.


'All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.' Marilyn Monroe

Posts: 47 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sucks. Flat out sucks.
My advice. Stabilize. That's all u can do. Put one foot in front of other. Keep walking. Get up and keep busy as much as possible. Take time to cry and melt down alone then get it together and keep functioning. Spend time in silence but then get busy
You WILL get thru this. You WILL get stronger. You WILL be ok. I promise. Just keep going and stabilize. Xo

Posts: 592 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 43595
Member # 43595
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Littlemiss1.....sorry to hear that you're's still so raw and fresh in our minds, it only seems yesterday that all this insanity was happening. It consume our thoughts 24/7 and when certain strong triggers or mind movies creep up, it makes us blow up and spiral downhill and makes us hate our pathetic WH for putting us in this ticking bomb even more.

I hate and love him .
I love him I need him I want him.

The first several months were the worst for me going thru the cycle of I hate him, love him, want him, need him. All the sadness, anger and disgust towards him added to the painful limbo feeling. It was so hard to control the bouts of crying, hatred, gut wrenching depression and hostility that has become my new reality. It's so unfair!

I only started to feel different a few months ago. I was sooo sick of letting the A and his poor actions/mistakes dominate my life. Decided I'm in control and I will conquer this....if I am successful....perhaps my H will become a much better man, perhaps our M will be stronger and healthier than it could ever be. If not, I knew I was strong enough to walk away.

What help? Visualizing my life without H and how I would feel. I was certain I still love him and want him in it. His true remorse and actions (planning dates/getaways) also help. During my low moments, I would try to think all the positive things....stronger M, better H/father/provider, how he could up & left me but he didn't and chose to stay and endure the hell, how our children would be much happier with him in our life, etc... Now, the A doesn't consume my thoughts like it did before. We have bond immensely and learned to communicate much more effectively.

Some people say the past does not define who the person is and also the A does not define who the person is. I hold on to that everyday...,.thinking that no one is perfect and makes mistakes. It is because WH is willing to put in the work to become a better person and not repeat history that I am willing to look past his past.

Hang in there......we have to endure so many ups and downs and loops in this crazy roller coaster ride that we were unwillingly forced in to. The ride will eventually get smoother and someday, you will step off it with a sense of relieve, renewal and happiness feeling again.....

Will think of you and hope your struggle gets better today as well as weeks and months to come. Time is on your side.....

"Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who fucks you right and treats you how you
deserve to be treated!"
BS: me WS: him M:12 yrs T:23 yrs (3kids <10) DDay: 12/3/2013 OW#1- 2 1/2 yr A; OW#2-2mths

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you completely.

Hang in there. Soon the good will out do the bad.

BS - Me 46 WS - Her 44 (Childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
Status: Separated possible divorce.

Posts: 1722 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
♀ 42091
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a constant struggle. You'll overcome it don't let it consume your whole life.

Cry when you need to, pick up the pieces and move forward.

Time really does heal all wounds.

Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 220 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
♀ 43615
Member # 43615
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Littlemiss please know that you are not alone and your feelings are exactly what I feel/felt,! I love my H but I hate what he did! I love the man he is now but I hate what it took to get him there! I am mad at him but finding myself wanting to be held by him. We are just 8 weeks and 2 days post d-day and still struggling. It is a hard road with lots of bumps. Everyone keeps saying time will make it better and it does, sometimes it is hard to wait!

Me 52 BS
Him 53 WH
Married 29 yrs
His LTA. 7yrs
3 grown amazing kids!!!!!!
Trying hard to R

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Keep telling yourself you'll survive this and thrive.

Have faith in yourself.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Largely recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 12378 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ 43221
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we realize this wasn't the dealbreaker we have to be willing to prove it to ourselves FIRST.....
Love did NOT stop for me on dday.....but I do rember thinking NOW WHAT....
time and strength ....a strength you never wanted to tap into is what gets you through this....and the love...despite the hurt....
Fear is the enemy....and intoxicating....
one day at a time....forward motion....
I hear you loud and clear and I truly understand ....

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 2010-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful

"Nothing can come between God and the soul." --Julian of Norwich

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Topic Posts: 10

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