[This message edited by Blanket at 10:18 AM, July 7th (Monday)]
I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger
Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!
What doesn't kill me, scars me.
I'm worried I have dredged up feelings for him by talking about it?
what feelings? feelings for ow? feelings of how he's hurt you? feelings of remorse? either way, he NEEDS to feel these things. if he doesn't, he's ignoring them, which is not good. it's okay if he feels like shit... he should.
[This message edited by Blanket at 12:02 PM, July 7th (Monday)]
Also, my experience was a steady downward spiral until I hit rock bottom, and that took about 3 months. The pain was much worse than I had ever imagined, and it took much longer to process it than I expected.
In other words, you sound like pretty normal to me.
I know it doesn't make sense, but the quickest way through this is to welcome the pain and discomfort - feeling it lets it go, and that's healing. Last night's talk was a step in the right direction. It doesn't feel good, because you've still got more to find out and much more pain to feel....
It does get better, though. If it hasn't already started happening, you'll get glimmers of feeling good, and those glimmers will expand.
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:43 PM, July 7th (Monday)]
Feeling for the OW I guess. He said he feels resentment towards her because she's walked away unscathed.
My WH felt this too but then again so did (do) I. The goal is for him to not feel anything toward her at all. Him realizing he never loved her and admitting it is a good step.
I felt better and worse after these types of conversations. It's definitely normal. Do something nice for yourself. Enjoy the good days (moments) when you have them. Try not to let this overtake your whole life. I feel like I did and now I'm not sure how to get out of it.
Your spouse doesn't get what he has done, only thinks that he does, he doesn't truly understand yet.
I never want to repeat that initial 6 months again, I won't. If I was faced with that, knowing what I went through before, I'd close up my heart, get counseling myself, and sever all contact with my WS, I doubt we'd ever speak again.
Are you in MC? An MC may be able to get your H to understand the importance of talking with you.