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Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Recently Stopped MC
♂ 38622
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we recently stopped MC. My WW goes to IC mostly for her antidepressents and talks with her psychatrist there. We found in MC we would just discuss our days how things were going etc. I don't know if it was just time to stop going because we have learned how to comunicate and our marriage is going good. We decided that we would go to MC once every other month to check in. We haven't gone in a while. Is this normal? When did you stop going to MC? We went every week for about 18 months.

ME-BS 34
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 43530
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know exactly and I think everyone is different. For us, we cut back when it felt more like an inconvenience/hassle to both of us. Still think it's good to check in sometimes

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

BW: 43 (me) WH: 42 (him)
DD-13, DS-11
DDay 1 = 1/13, DDay2 = 7/14 (False R), D 4/15

Posts: 1011 | Registered: May 2014 | From: SoCal
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perhaps we're in the minority but we've never really gone. We tried two different ones and I hated them both (for very good reasons). We're both in IC and we work very hard on our marriage all the time. My IC did one joint session with us to teach us some communication techniques and that was great. But for us, we seem to be doing just fine without it. In fact recently my IC said that our progress has been so astounding that she almost thinks that not seeing an MC was a benefit to us. We had work harder but the lessons sank in more quickly and thoroughly maybe?

So there you go. I say, whatever works for you is what you should do. :)

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 42952
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We went to 3 MC over the past 10m and found them all to be duds. The first was all about communication and textbook (which actually were great skills, but not great timing), never once addressed the As in over 2m of weekly sessions. The 2nd had some views neither of us could embrace. The 3rd I just decided to give up on this week. She was great for understanding the As and WH's issues, but we were getting nowhere with MC - it was causing more damage than good, leaving me feeling like I wasn't 'getting over this fast enough'. I think that MC is good for some people, but others do better with just's a personal choice. If there were problems in the M prior to Dday I can understand going, but for us the major problem in the M was the As, so only WS can fix that by going to IC and getting to the bottom of his whys and only I can fix my issues from it by going to Ic to grieve and heal. MC just seems to be a bigger inconvenience for us than benefit.

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

Posts: 912 | Registered: Mar 2014
♂ 34689
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 years....just stopped 3-4 months ago. It was really helpful, without it we would have divorced, came close several times as it was.

We had a good counselor.

It was hard, I did it, I'm never doing that again. I can't imagine going through that for anyone else, with anyone else, again.

Expensive as well, none covered by insurance. Now, maybe we can put a new roof on the house.

BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1151 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
♀ 10347
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:35 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We didn't do MC. My H (the FWS) didn't do IC either. I only went to an IC for a few months sort of as a "paid friend." I was not looking for anybody else to tell us how to live our lives, and I was quite sure if there was any possibility of figuring things out, learning from past mistakes, etc, we'd do it on our own.

I made it very clear to my H that he could shape to hell up or ship to hell out, without much in between. I was actually quite shocked that he chose the former and we are still together, closer than ever 8 years later.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 3:37 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 6827 | Registered: Apr 2006
Topic Posts: 6

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