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What to say or ask in Counseling

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steppingup posted 7/7/2014 13:00 PM

I am looking for support from others who have tried MC, what are some good questions to ask ourselves in counseling. I am looking for questions that I can ask myself and questions I can ask my WW.

Many kind regards, Steppingup.

Tigaress posted 7/7/2014 13:07 PM

Hi there - have you already started counseling? I'm asking because normally the therapist should guide the process and help you identify questions so that you're not stuck with homework... also, if you were asked to prepare for a session, I believe just the task to 'find questions' is a bit too generic ..

solus sto posted 7/7/2014 13:21 PM

The most important questions at the outset, IMO, are those posed to the MC: what is your experience with infidelity? What is your approach to guiding a couple post-infidelity? Etc.

In terms of what to ask your WS--well, I'm a firm believer that any or all questions you have deserve a full, transparent response.

I would want, therefore, to be sure that I did not choose an MC whose approach to recovery from infidelity erected any barriers to this.

Unfortunately, there are rugsweepers among MCs, just as there are among the rest of us. My questions would be geared toward identifying these and weeding them out.

WhereIsHome posted 7/7/2014 13:25 PM

Our counselor was terrible my WW set it up should have know better. My goal was to try to get WW to commit to either divorce or reconciliation didn't work. I guess the big question is what in the waywards mind gave themselves permission to break vows and get into an affair.

I wouldn't even do MC if she is still with the dude. We did ours a week after dday and she was still completely in la la land.

OakStreet posted 7/7/2014 15:52 PM

The most important questions at the outset, IMO, are those posed to the MC: what is your experience with infidelity? What is your approach to guiding a couple post-infidelity? Etc.

^^ I concur with solus sto.

Our MC was not familiar with the books "How to Help Your Spouse Heal" and "Not Just Friends". I used a lot of info and advice that I got from this site, both from The Healing Library and the members, to have "talking points" at our sessions.

I LIKED our MC - and we will probably return to him after WH gets to a certain stage in IC. I quit MC after DDay 2.

There are few counselors in our area. We have to drive an hour to see one. Our first MC was a waste of money!

Good luck to you!

saturnpatrick posted 7/7/2014 19:16 PM

A good MC will drive the conversation forward and do most of the question asking.

What you need to do is really be honest. If the MC is any good, some of the questions the MC will ask you will be uncomfortable. Resist the urge to gloss over or dodge any questions.

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