Bookworm honey, you need to step back.
What you are doing is not R. It is rugsweeping, and it will end badly.
He has not taken ownership of his actions, and he certainly doesn't get it. If he did he would know that you are never going to trust him like you did before, and he would do anything and everything to help you regain some level of trust.
Quit walking on eggshells around him it's unhealthy for you. Are you happy living like this, with that gnawing feeling constantly in the background of is he being good? If I say something he will be angry. If I was only the perfect stepford wife he wouldn't have done this to us.
Accept the fact that he is a broken man, that will remain broken until he opens that box of ugly and says I did this this all on me. I own this. This was my choice not yours. You are not to blame. Stop playing happy wife, and call him out on his bullshit.
In the meantime, set some hard boundaries, and while he is gone start getting your ducks in a row. Start figuring out how to be happy being you without him. See a lawyer, see a therapist, figure out what you want out of life. Then start demanding the love, respect, and honor you deserve. He will either suddenly realize you are not going to take it, and get his shit together, or not. If he doesn't you didn't want or need him anyway.