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please tell me it gets better...

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whiteflower99 posted 7/7/2014 23:44 PM

i am having a mini melt down tonight. i don't know why, it just hit me that this is my life now. i am facing possible surgery for an injury that has kept me out of work for six to eight weeks, so finances are rough. i feel like poo, i saw a photo of myself from five months ago... i look like i have aged ten years. i am scared of being alone. i am tired, so tired of keeping it together for my kids. i have GAINED 15 punds cause i cant stop eating... lol i guess i am just having a grand old pity party. i have so many regrets... i wish summer was over and i was back in school.

bent44 posted 7/8/2014 00:03 AM

White flower,

I am sorry you are having a rough go tonight, and am sending you a hug. I am a full time single mom, putting on weight, aging, watching too much Law & Order, and generally confused about where life is headed... all that to say I can relate. It even sounds like our WS's could have been twins separated at birth.

Some days maybe it just needs to be enough that we are free of.....

him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis

I'll take fat, old, tired,confused, and lonely over the life I would have had/did have with XWS any day!!! Truth is, a wonderful daughter, peaceful home, awesome friends, and an honest life describe me now....not too shabby!

Hang in there, this will pass! And, will get better. It already has.

nekorb posted 7/8/2014 05:38 AM

Just breathe a minute.

It does get better. I promise. There's just a whole lot of shit to wade through first.

I'm a year out and things are not great by any means nor is anything settled, but I still feel better than I did a year ago. Stronger.

Hang in there.

Williesmom posted 7/8/2014 14:35 PM

I am 6 years out from my divorce. It gets infinitely better. I had no idea how much better it could get.

6 years ago, I was enduring in-house separation and in the midst of my 2nd D-day.

Now: I'm happy living alone, sporadically dating, loving my job, enjoying my family, and doing whatever I want. Life is fabulous. There is so much joy in my life.

Give it time. You will get there.

Nature_Girl posted 7/8/2014 16:10 PM

Just being away from a sex addict is better. To be away from the perversion, the filth, the dysfunction that goes along with a person who lies about everything. Just knowing that your life, difficult as it may be, is authentic and REAL is better.

I'm so sorry that life is really rough for you right now. You do at least have hope again, though. Hope for happiness, something that would not be possible living with a sex addict. You have your freedom, a priceless gift you couldn't have had before.


tesla posted 7/8/2014 16:30 PM


caregiver9000 posted 7/8/2014 16:44 PM


One thing I have learned through the ultimate horror of dday and after: It DOES get better. And that truth translates through to other bits of ickiness too. Whatever the rough patch, give it a bit of time and it does get better.

I have found two things though. I have to work on my perspective and my attitude. And I have to be realistic.

There are certainly times when life seems to sling everything at once. Counting all of the "things going on right now" only makes me feel overwhelmed. It seldom gets me the compassion or consideration I seem to think I deserve from others. I find that attacking one thing at a time and fully dealing with whatever that one thing is helps by making me feel productive and it reduces the overwhelming list by one. Also, I try to remember the things that are going right. Even sometimes I have to list them out. All of this to say, it is how I try to shift my perspective/attitude.

A bit too simple and practical but it has worked for me. When I remember to do it...

I am not trying to be preachy or lack sympathy. I have had plenty of meltdowns of my own!! But they suck and I hate that you are down. Have a few more ((hugs?))

whiteflower99 posted 7/10/2014 00:16 AM

Thanks everyone. I am sorry to admit that I am struggling. All of my emotional numbness has worn off apparently and I am running from rage to despair and back again.
I have not been able to continue with IC due to insurance issues and to top it all off I have a slipped disc that is making my legs go numb and weak.
I know it isn't a lot compared to other horror stories but damn!! I just wish I had someone to share my day with, KWIM?
Thanks for letting me vent/cry. Seriously heart you guys.

[This message edited by whiteflower99 at 12:16 AM, July 10th (Thursday)]

StillLivin posted 7/10/2014 01:08 AM

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I will never forget the support you showed me during my difficult time. Your responses just the right combination of righteous rage on my behalf, concern, and empathy.
It's called a rollercoaster for a reason, but it does get better. If you ever need to talk, PM me.

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