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6 years ago today at 5:25a.m....

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Guinness23 posted 7/8/2014 01:18 AM

....my mother died.

She died of congestive heart failure at 71.

Every 6 years, the dates fall on the days of the week they happened. Because I am now living by my dad in the very same bedroom my mother was taken from by the ambulance for the last time, I am triggering and very sad.

I lived in Illinois 6 years ago. On June 5, 2008, I discovered my husbands affair and tried to work it out without sharing the info with my family...least of all my mom who I knew was going down hill. From June 6 to July 7, I rarely talked to her because I KNEW she would detect something in my voice that would indicate the crap going on in my life. It is a decision I deeply regret to this day but know why I did it.

I wasn't super close to my mom. She pissed me off with her type A personality when I was in my 20's and distance was always good. BUT I DID love her dearly. She was MY mom and I was her baby...her "joy" as she called me when I was a kid as I was her last kid by default: my brother 5 years younger than me was a stillborn.

Whatever she told me I believed when I was young. If she told me the sky was purple, I believed her. She was a beautiful strong woman who was often compared in looks to Elizabeth Taylor.

At 2a.m. ish on July 8, 2008, my soon to be exh called me on my cell phone telling me that my dad was trying to call me and didn't know my cell #. Seems he tried to call the house and I was asleep. Found out in the divorce, my exh ALMOST DIDN'T try to call me and I would have missed being there when she died.

I lived in Illinois then and my parents lived 2hrs away in Indiana (where I live now). I JUST made it by 4 a.m. ish to the emergency room she was in. I got to tell her I loved her and squeeze her hand. After many tried to jolt her around ( her heart gave out) they called time of death around 5:25 a.m.

It was so surreal. My dad was there and me. She lay there with a tube in her mouth looking SO DAMN OLD. The chaplain gave her last rights. Then they told us it was time to go.

On the way back to my parents house (now mine), I called everyone I knew to get the word out. Automatic pilot.

Later that day, her body came to the funeral home she was to be waked at.

I got to see her laying in the prep room. It is a memory I will NEVER forget.

They asked my father about how to word the obit. They asked him what kind of liner she should have; coffin she should have. He just sat there in shellshocked silence. I was able to help him out on all fronts as my other two sisters were too far away at that moment to make a difference.

I picked out her clothes and her jewelry she now has on.

It is the most horrific experience of my life and one I will never forget but am glad I was there for.

All of this while knowing my marriage was disintegrating....

2008 sucked.

Kajem posted 7/8/2014 04:41 AM

((((((((((((Guinness)))))))))))

lost_in_toronto posted 7/8/2014 05:55 AM

((((Guinness))))

I know the anniversaries of traumatic events are very visceral and hard. Be gentle with yourself, honey.

deena04 posted 7/8/2014 07:32 AM

(((Guinness))) thoughts with you today.

simplydevastated posted 7/8/2014 08:05 AM

(((HUGS)))

MovingUpward posted 7/8/2014 08:29 AM

(((Guinness)))

Wishing you some peace on this difficult day.

Guinness23 posted 7/8/2014 08:46 AM

Thank you, everyone.

yearsofpain25 posted 7/8/2014 09:02 AM

Very sorry that you are going through this and very sorry for the difficult loss of your mother.

Will be thinking of you today.

yop

tushnurse posted 7/8/2014 15:22 PM

(((Guiness)))
CHF is an ugly disease. I deal with it every day at work. It is epidemic in our country.

Sorry you are feeling pain today.

Do something nice for you that you and your mom enjoyed, in honor of her. Embrace yourself in the good memories.

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