Have you considered the 180? See http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ11.
I would take his unwillingness to talk as an indication he doesn't own what he's done. Until he does that, he's simply not a candidate for R, which means you have to choose between rugsweeping and D (or waiting and hoping, which sometimes works).
Instead of asking what he feel, you might start by asking him, 'Are you mad, sad, glad, or scared?' Then follow up with 'How come?' But I think the 180 may be a better bet for you.