Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Ganon27

Just Found Out :
Dying Inside

This Topic is Archived
default

 Whisperia (original poster new member #44012) posted at 12:37 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

I can't quite believe I'm here... But I need somewhere to run.

I found out on Friday night that he slept with my best friend whilst I was 300 miles away caring for my Mum who had an operation.

We had been engaged for 4 years, together for 5 and have a 3yo DD.

She was someone who was a long term friend of ours who I was helping.

ONS drunken fumble.

How do I rebuild the trust? I love him and for reasons unknown I don't believe it was a malicious act... I don't even know if that makes sense.

I'm dying inside, everytime I close my eyes. I want to scream. Not easy when DD is around.

I keep flipping between total calm and steady, to furious to betrayed and the pain is unreal. My emotions are fluctuating so much I can barely stand. I can't eat. Sleep won't come.

I never thought this could happen.... I'm so lost

The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14

posts: 3   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2014   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 6864207
default

devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 12:45 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

((((Whisperia)))) we all know the pain you are in. We have all been there. Time is the only thing that will help. That an a remorseful WS. Eat, stay hydrated and breath. Welcome to the best club in the world that no ones ever wants to join. We are here for you. Vent away, we really can help.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6864210
default

nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 12:49 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

I'm so sorry. That pain is truly awful. If you can't eat, please get some protein drinks/ensue, etc. stay hydrated. Take care of your son.

What has your wayward's response been? How did you find out?

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6864213
default

ChangeMaker ( member #43899) posted at 1:54 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

You should consider talking to someone you trust as well. Make it someone you can talk to A LOT. Don't tell too many people at once.

Force yourself to eat. Get help with taking care of the little one if you can.

Get some exercise, and see your doctor if you can't sleep - trust me, the exhaustion will only make it much worse. Don't use alcohol.

We're here for you, and we're listening. I'm pretty new here too, but the folks here have provided me some pretty solid guidance, even when I didn't want to accept it.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

DDay - June 2014
DD 2008 & 2011
Divorced April 1, 2015

posts: 2336   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6864276
default

 Whisperia (original poster new member #44012) posted at 2:22 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

I found out 4 days ago. We were laughing and joking and I got a message from someone. Saying that he had done and said things.

I asked him outright and he told me.

Needless to explain I was fairly psychotic in response.

We met up the next morning. I asked all the questions I needed.

He is extremely remorseful... I honestly believe he is hurting by how he hurt me.

I am hopeful for moving on together, I just don't quite know where to begin.

He's already agreed NC with her. And to move to my hometown 300 miles away.

It's a start.

The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14

posts: 3   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2014   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 6864319
default

NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 3:00 PM on Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

Welcome to the club no one wanted to join.

Don't make the mistake of allowing him to blame his bad behavior on booze and being drunk. He needs to own the choice he made.

And it was a choice, Whisperia.

Good luck to you.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

posts: 6327   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6864375
default

gabear ( new member #43995) posted at 12:28 PM on Wednesday, July 9th, 2014

I am only a few days into this myself and I understand. Sorry you are going through this.

Still in love just broken

posts: 24   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2014   ·   location: Georgia
id 6865610
default

OakStreet ( member #41193) posted at 1:33 PM on Wednesday, July 9th, 2014

((Whisperia))

There is a lot of solid info in The Healing Library. I wish I had read ALL of it after finding out about my WH's A...perhaps I would have been further along on this roller coaster ride.

If he is truly remorseful, you are on your way to R. You can consider counseling for one or both of you....maybe you won't need it, but I found it helpful to have someone to talk to.

Sending you strength....

Me: 60, WH 67
Married: 23 years
DS 21, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
Divorced Jan. 2016

posts: 961   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6865650
default

 Whisperia (original poster new member #44012) posted at 9:05 AM on Thursday, July 10th, 2014

Off to the clinic today. Never felt more ashamed of myself.

Also... he has made an appointment for us to go to couples counselling.

Never felt so sick.

The heart of an angel, shattered and torn.
A mind once of love, now full of scorn

D-day 4/7/14

posts: 3   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2014   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 6866892
default

OakStreet ( member #41193) posted at 1:04 PM on Thursday, July 10th, 2014

((Whisperia))

The first time I went to a counselor I cried.

The bullshit stigma of: "I should be strong enough to handle this on my own".

But - if it's a GOOD counselor, you will find out this is very helpful. Not all of them are good - you'll have to determine if he/she is a good "fit" for you.

Good luck in all things...

Me: 60, WH 67
Married: 23 years
DS 21, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
Divorced Jan. 2016

posts: 961   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013
id 6866970
default

WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 1:21 PM on Thursday, July 10th, 2014

(((Whisperia))) so sorry you are here but you will get a lot of support. Talk with the counselor but if I can suggest something, WAIT before you go to see an MC. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

posts: 978   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013   ·   location: BFE
id 6866990
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy