SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Whisperia posted 7/8/2014 06:37 AM

I can't quite believe I'm here... But I need somewhere to run.

I found out on Friday night that he slept with my best friend whilst I was 300 miles away caring for my Mum who had an operation.

We had been engaged for 4 years, together for 5 and have a 3yo DD.

She was someone who was a long term friend of ours who I was helping.

ONS drunken fumble.

How do I rebuild the trust? I love him and for reasons unknown I don't believe it was a malicious act... I don't even know if that makes sense.

I'm dying inside, everytime I close my eyes. I want to scream. Not easy when DD is around.

I keep flipping between total calm and steady, to furious to betrayed and the pain is unreal. My emotions are fluctuating so much I can barely stand. I can't eat. Sleep won't come.

I never thought this could happen.... I'm so lost

devasted30 posted 7/8/2014 06:45 AM

((((Whisperia)))) we all know the pain you are in. We have all been there. Time is the only thing that will help. That an a remorseful WS. Eat, stay hydrated and breath. Welcome to the best club in the world that no ones ever wants to join. We are here for you. Vent away, we really can help.

nekorb posted 7/8/2014 06:49 AM

I'm so sorry. That pain is truly awful. If you can't eat, please get some protein drinks/ensue, etc. stay hydrated. Take care of your son.

What has your wayward's response been? How did you find out?

ChangeMaker posted 7/8/2014 07:54 AM

You should consider talking to someone you trust as well. Make it someone you can talk to A LOT. Don't tell too many people at once.

Force yourself to eat. Get help with taking care of the little one if you can.

Get some exercise, and see your doctor if you can't sleep - trust me, the exhaustion will only make it much worse. Don't use alcohol.

We're here for you, and we're listening. I'm pretty new here too, but the folks here have provided me some pretty solid guidance, even when I didn't want to accept it.

Whisperia posted 7/8/2014 08:22 AM

I found out 4 days ago. We were laughing and joking and I got a message from someone. Saying that he had done and said things.

I asked him outright and he told me.

Needless to explain I was fairly psychotic in response.

We met up the next morning. I asked all the questions I needed.

He is extremely remorseful... I honestly believe he is hurting by how he hurt me.

I am hopeful for moving on together, I just don't quite know where to begin.

He's already agreed NC with her. And to move to my hometown 300 miles away.

It's a start.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/8/2014 09:00 AM

Welcome to the club no one wanted to join.

Don't make the mistake of allowing him to blame his bad behavior on booze and being drunk. He needs to own the choice he made.

And it was a choice, Whisperia.

Good luck to you.

gabear posted 7/9/2014 06:28 AM

I am only a few days into this myself and I understand. Sorry you are going through this.

OakStreet posted 7/9/2014 07:33 AM

((Whisperia))

There is a lot of solid info in The Healing Library. I wish I had read ALL of it after finding out about my WH's A...perhaps I would have been further along on this roller coaster ride.

If he is truly remorseful, you are on your way to R. You can consider counseling for one or both of you....maybe you won't need it, but I found it helpful to have someone to talk to.

Sending you strength....

Whisperia posted 7/10/2014 03:05 AM

Off to the clinic today. Never felt more ashamed of myself.

Also... he has made an appointment for us to go to couples counselling.

Never felt so sick.

OakStreet posted 7/10/2014 07:04 AM

((Whisperia))

The first time I went to a counselor I cried.
The bullshit stigma of: "I should be strong enough to handle this on my own".

But - if it's a GOOD counselor, you will find out this is very helpful. Not all of them are good - you'll have to determine if he/she is a good "fit" for you.

Good luck in all things...

WeepingBuddhist posted 7/10/2014 07:21 AM

(((Whisperia))) so sorry you are here but you will get a lot of support. Talk with the counselor but if I can suggest something, WAIT before you go to see an MC. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do.