I can't tell if it's killing me or making me stronger
Don't kick me when I'm down because when I get back up you are f****d!
You need to know exactly what you are dealing with here. That way it can ALL be addressed, and eventually put to rest.
It will hurt like Hell for a few days...but once the initial sting wears off..you will be glad you know.
And, the fact that he is willing to be so honest...even if it hurts you...shows he is truly remorseful and willing to do whatever needs to be done to heal you, himself, and the marriage.
Also, the more details you get, the less secrets between him and OW.
Knowledge is power.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
If your H answered your questions honestly, you've accomplished quite a bit. First, you have a much better idea of the betrayal you have to deal with.
Second, and perhaps more important, your H is in the process of owning what he did. He can't heal, and you can't R, until and unless he accepts responsibility for betraying himself and you.
Third, by answering your questions, your H has started to rebuild trust. It may not be enough to notice yet, but it's happening.
It still hurts like hell, though....