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Blanket posted 7/8/2014 07:21 AM

I now have a better overview of the A, I know more details and more information I thought I needed but I feel like it has taken me back to square one again. I feel sick all over again. I feel violated and sad all over again. I wish I hadn't asked. Did I really NEED to know.

deena04 posted 7/8/2014 07:26 AM

Sometimes you need to know, sometimes you don't. It really is unique to each person. If it was going to eat you alive until you knew, you needed to know. If you feel you could have went on without knowing, then that works, too. I had to know. I am just a detailed kind of person and wanted to make him tell me to let him see the pain and hear himself have to do that.

Blanket posted 7/8/2014 07:33 AM

I don't think it would have eaten me alive as such I was worried I was rug sweeping and now I feel like I'm reliving the A all over again. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.

confused615 posted 7/8/2014 07:41 AM

No, you need the truth.

You need to know exactly what you are dealing with here. That way it can ALL be addressed, and eventually put to rest.

It will hurt like Hell for a few days...but once the initial sting wears off..you will be glad you know.

And, the fact that he is willing to be so honest...even if it hurts you...shows he is truly remorseful and willing to do whatever needs to be done to heal you, himself, and the marriage.

Also, the more details you get, the less secrets between him and OW.

Knowledge is power.

misslocket posted 7/8/2014 07:41 AM

I'm exactly the same, I needed to know because I didn't want him and her to share something I knew nothing about and he has been brutally honest and then it kills you, the answer kills you inside.
Totally totally feel you. xx

sisoon posted 7/8/2014 08:13 AM

IDK ... you may feel like you're back at square one, but I think you're past it.

If your H answered your questions honestly, you've accomplished quite a bit. First, you have a much better idea of the betrayal you have to deal with.

Second, and perhaps more important, your H is in the process of owning what he did. He can't heal, and you can't R, until and unless he accepts responsibility for betraying himself and you.

Third, by answering your questions, your H has started to rebuild trust. It may not be enough to notice yet, but it's happening.

It still hurts like hell, though....

(((Blanket)))