He phoned at 1:20, and I picked up. He pretended nothing has happened about my asking him to go,and asked if I would leave the door open for him in two days when he comes back late after picking up his daughter. I said don't you remember? You do not want to make me feel safe and you will not stop drinking, so you go.I want your stuff off my property by tomorrow,and I hang up. (this is my attempt at 180.)
He leaves message on my phone saying I am kicking him 'homeless' on the road after I had wanted him to move in here. Now he has no place to go. He indirectly says my house is a dump.
I leave message on his phone saying he is acting like the poor me guy, and that he is not interested in my safety and trust coming back is proven by his only being concerned about his 'problem' not having a place to sleep when I tell him to go. I said when he cheated he gave me no warning. So it is out. I then phone the police to find out if I can legally do this, I can, and they will also be here on day he gets his stuff if I tell them.
I tell him to tell me when his stuff is going, though I do not tell him I have phoned police to be here. I tell him I want it off my property by end of week or I will get it off myself.I again say he is not interested in my safety and trust coming back, he says I control him, now I will not 'control' him anymore, but he is to stay off my property.
This is my attempt at 180. I suspect I am still doing too much, giving him too much information. Is it better I just shut up and go about my business getting his stuff out?
Also, he will absolutely try to make me look like a horrible person once he goes. I am scared of this. They know how to charm and play the victim very well. His two fucktard spawn kids will too, the same way they put all the blame of their brother's suicide on his girlfriend (IE: forget the 4 counts of assault, forget the probable prison sentence the brother was facing, forget the debt he was in, his girlfriend 'pushed' him to kill himself over 'love', and now the 2 daughters and brother's friend want to kill her.)
I am trying my best to be strong.I am trying to care for myself. I have put him first for so long, but I see when I ask him to consider my feelings first for a change, he gets angry. This is helping me to detach.
Listen to tushnurse. This has been going on for way too long and you have been a wreck. You are too young to live like this, emotionally and physically a wreck.
Every time you give in you get hurt more. Help yourself to a better and happier life.
You need to do it and only you can do it. All we can do is support you with words.
The only reason he'll pretend to be a good guy is when he realizes he - and his freezer - have no place to go. Then he'll turn on the fake charm.
Don't EVEN fall for that ridiculous tactic. Trust me, if he had somewhere else to go, he wouldn't even be faking it at all - he'd be making even LESS effort to be civil to you then he is now.
You're a smart lady. Just about anyone would be an improvement over this jerk.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 9:48 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)]
He even brought plastic bags to cover his stuff with in case it gets wet from rain! His stuff is more important to him from getting damaged than me!
He has driven away with the first of his stuff. In the car I helped him to buy. Where, I do not know. I am a wreck. I cannot believe he did not love me enough to stop drinking, to say he would do whatever I needed to feel safe from his cheating and lying. I cannot believe I was not worth it to him.
I thought he loved me.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
He has come back to the property, I think he plans on sleeping in his car in the drive tonight.I am scared to see him, in case I break down again. When I saw him I ran into the house and left my purse and phone in the car.
I still have to go outside and milk the goat, though.I might be able to do it without him noticing. Luckily I did all the barn chores (feeding horses, cows, pig, shutting in chickens) before he came back. My ex ( whom I get on very well with and has been very supportive of me in all this,even happy for my sake I had found a boyfriend in the beginning. Now,though, he really dislikes him. That is saying a lot, as my ex is pretty accepting and forgiving of just about anybody.), said he would phone my WBF to get him off the property if I want.
My son is with my ex(his dad) tonight, so he does not have to witness my hysterics.
Thank you all for being here. You really are a lifeline. I am the only human in this big old house tonight, and I need your support. I have my 3 dogs, cat, doves and goldfish though. My CCTV cameras also enable me to keep an eye on him.
He can't make that choice because he is a broken man with addiction issues. The only person that can help him is him. He obviously isn't ready to do that. I would have your Ex, or someone one get him off your property. Him staying in his car in your drive is a ploy to make you feel intimidated. Don't let him do that to you.
If you need/want to go to your barn and take care of your animals, then by all means have a friend, or family member come over, and be your shadow, so you won't be tempted to engage with him, and he won't do anything to you.
And please. Don't give him any more choices. None. Tell him what and when you want things to happen and stick to it. "You will get your stuff off of my property by Wednesday night or I will put it in a dumpster." "If you step food on my property after Wednesday night, I will call the police and file a complaint of trespassing against you and have you escorted off. Then I will ask for an RO."
If your horse was crowding you in it's stall because it wanted to be fed, you'd give him a quick slap and growl MOVE BACK at him, wouldn't you? Because you don't need to be trampled by a big, self-centered critter. He's a big, self-centered arse don't let him crowd you.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious
Sounds as though you were basically supporting him and he was on easy street, looking to you to finance him while he went out and did whatever he wanted. I'm not saying you're rich, I'm simply saying that I get the impression that YOU were financing this entire relationship while he did precious little to contribute.
Quite honestly, it sounds as though he's come to terms with the fact that he's no longer going to get a free ride from you and he's got to move on - so that's what he's doing. It just doesn't sound like an emotional thing for him at all.
You're doing good, Jomarion.
I am shocked. She is the one who has been trying to break us up, telling my WBF I am not worth staying with. He won't tell me details except that she has said I am controlling(controlling = don't want him drinking and slutting around with his workers), fat(fat = BMI of 15), and old(old= I am 54, he is 43, but most people who don't know us think I am the younger one and in my early 40's.) This boss is a duplicitous bullshitter who smiles to your face, and gossips behind your back. (She always smiles to me like we are friends. Though recently her smiles have had a nervous tinge to them) She is also the one whom his conniving 17 year old phones up, complains about her dad, and then the jerk boss phones up my WBF to tell him what to do. My WBF has been very angry at the boss(she is also illegally cheating him for his work-hours at work, and covered for the son, when he was witnessed by 5 people abusing an animal, a little lamb, almost to death at work, and I got the RSPCA to investigate( after years of trying to get enough evidence of his son hurting/killing animals for 'fun' to get the RSPCA out. I get the evidence, then that shit boss protects him!!! If you met her, though, you would see a nice middle-aged Welsh lady who likes to bake!)
The boss likes to smile a lot and is a pillar in the community. (ya,pillar of shit, excuse me, I am very angry now.)
I cannot believe he has gone to her for help getting a place.
I cannot believe how she is someone he says he cannot stand, yet he goes to her!
I cannot believe he would rather go to her for help moving out than do something with his life - stop being with alcoholics, enablers of alcoholics, cheaters, liarsand knowing she is cheating HIM!. The sort he says he wants to get away from!
I cannot believe he goes to her for help, the one who has said so many nasty things about me, and tried to break us up. (probably because I am educated, know English, and am aware of the laws in this country that indicate she is cheating him.He speaks Polish, is quite helpless without a Polish/English translator,and I can somewhat translate for him. Without me in his life, he is much more vulnerable to cheaters like her.)
I cannot believe.
I cannot believe he chose them all over me.
I thought I was worth more.
Please help. I feel so alone and abused.
He also still is saying how much he loves me, how he cannot stop drinking overnight, and he has changed.
But he is still visiting that youngest brat of his who is living with a woman who is known to cheat, and his daughter doesnot stop pushing him to cheat.
Makes me see why everyone in their family have never done much in their lives. Too busy 'getting ahead' the wrong ways: cheating, lying, slandering, manipulating, and then drinking to excess to erase their consciences.
You can not understand his logic because it is not logical.
You have to take care of you right now. You cannot fix him. He has to fix himself and he has to want to. Right now, he does not.
You are smart, kind and you matter. Don't let his poor choices define you.
This isn't about his boss at all; it is about him and what he is choosing to do and not do.
You deserve honesty and truth and you can't force that to occur.
Be kind to yourself. We are here and we care.
One day at a time.
Well I know it sucks, and words cannot express the pain, but know this - he has done you the BIGGEST favor imaginable by showing you EXACTLY who he is.
When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.
― Maya Angelou