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Newest Member: schratz (59864)

User Topic: how to receive compliments appropriately?
Alyssamd24
♀ 39005
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I was leaving my office today I passed a guy on the street who asked me if the daycare was open (my agency has playgroup for children once a week). He saw me come out of the building and he was going in...Thinking he was asking a serious question I explained playgroup is on Thursdays. He laughed and said "I was kidding. Im not a kid...im going to the computer lab."

As I was walking to my car he said " nice dress. You make it even more beautiful. "

I said thank you, got in my car and left.

I dont get compliments often so I didnt know if this is how to take one appropriately. I didnt want to be rude and totally ignore him....especially cuz my office is in a somewhat scary part of the city and I never know who is nice and who is sketchy.


But what if I fall?
Oh Darling, but what if you fly?

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
NoGoodUsername
♂ 40181
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like a perfect response to me. "Thank you", get in your car and leave. Just don't take any ego kibble with you.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 275 | Registered: Aug 2013
IntoTheLight
♀ 42957
Member # 42957
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree- do not take the ego kibble! I do not want a compliment from a man other than BH ever again. I think a man that compliments a married woman on her appearance is creeping and trolling. So I don't mind being rude!!

Since the affair, I dress much more conservatively, avoid talking to men as much as I can, am never alone with a man and avoid unnecessary eye contact. I can look back and see how clothes and my friendly behavior gave off a certain (unintended) vibe and I never want that again.


WW-Me
BS-Him
Reconciling after confessing LTA

Posts: 86 | Registered: Mar 2014
rachelc
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My planned response to anything like this is , "my husband sure thinks so."
I've used it a couple times...,

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Mrs Panda
♀ 27303
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From a stranger? I would have ignored.

I also throw in the husband line, when responding to a compliment from an acquaintance.


Me-44 FWW Him-47Bh
M 16 years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Prior A from 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 2034 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: NY state
tired girl
♀ 28053
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is a stranger and I am walking away, I ignore. If it is said to my face, I might say thank you, depends. I have walked away from that too.

By someone I know, I will say thank you.


Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB

Posts: 7444 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Inside my head
Alyssamd24
♀ 39005
Member # 39005
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know I thought about the husband line but it was after the fact. ...I had already driven away at that point. But if it ever happens again I will definitely use it.

I absolutely didnt take any ego k ibbles away w me...as soon as he started talking to me I was uncomfortable.

I get the thing about dressing conservatively but certainly dont think there was anything revealing or inappropriate with my dress....it was a simple knee length summer dress....it was 90 out today!! :)


But what if I fall?
Oh Darling, but what if you fly?

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts
pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not want a compliment from a man other than BH ever again.

My BH's compliments are only the ones that matter to me anymore to me too. I light up when he compliments me. I realized that I was relying too much on other people's compliments to make me feel good about myself. I also have learned that I don't always need a compliment from BH. When I am feeling kind of crappy, I sometimes solicit a compliment from BH, but I am learning to not rely external validation - I need to learn to love myself. Sorry for the t/j.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 12:20 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 41
Him - BH 41 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 779 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 8

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