On another note, how do I know she will R after D? She wants this D to end this M because she doesn't feel it is real. My worries are she's just getting her ducks in a row to move on without me. Selfish - yes, but I love her and really want to be what she needs.
[This message edited by lovemywife4ever at 11:21 AM, July 8th (Tuesday)]
I hope the best for you and deena04.
I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!
If she needs to get her ducks in a row to make herself feel better, you let her. With humility.
If she needs to get her ducks in a row to prepare for life without *you*, you let her. With humility.
The rollercoaster requires a lot of inner strength. Awkward as you may be at times or as the situation may be; tiptoeing around on eggshells; your BW will still recognize the effort you're putting in to trying to make things better, and respecting her need for space and her need to "flip out".
Find your happy place, learn new ways of calming yourself. Don't smother her and don't try to control how things are going to go. It is what it is, some days. The pain and trauma lessen with each new day. Each new day is a gift and an opportunity to grow. Continue reading and learning. Plenty of books and forum posts and opportunities for self reflection.
(edited for typos)
[This message edited by SelfishHusband at 12:01 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)]
At almost a year out, do I completely trust him ? I think for my situation, yes. He knows that without question there will be no second chances. Any evidence I have that he is cheating, I pack my bags and I am gone for good. I know I did nothing wrong and he will have to live with his behavior, not me. I think as a BS, you have to find what makes you feel safe. I know that if it happens again, it is not my problem, nor will I EVER tolerate it or accept it again. "Poof"... I am gone if it happens again. I think that when your BS finds that safe place...things will get better. Also remember, you are not a bad person...you just made bad choices.
IC is kind of out of the question with finances right now. My insurance is crappy as heck and doesn't pay for it.
It is soul crushing to see what I have been to her when I should have been better for her. She truly thought I was a great person. Now she thinks I lead a double life. She doesn't believe a word out of my mouth.
I love her and want it to be mutual. She can't even respond with a yes I love you or anything when I say that. I get no response. She doesn't know is how that comes across.
There is no stop sign so here is my two cents.
I think the fact that she is slow to say I love you back can be reframed as a good thing.
It means she takes the concept of love seriously and is not willing to use the word frivolously.
As a BS, I can tell you it is very humiliating to tell the person who stabbed you in the back with a humiliating affair, that you love them.
The old love is likely gone, due to the trauma of the affair.
What you need to do is win her love back. You need to have her fall in love with you again.
That takes work and not everyone is up to that type of work.