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If you could write a letter to the OP, what would it say? Would you tell them thank you for showing me who I was married to, or would you tell them the details of how they hurt your kids? Just wondering because I always have that letter in my head that I want to write. The humiliation of our family was devastating and there is no conscience level at all for that OW. She parades around like all she did was talk to my WH about his "horrible" marriage. When that isn't the truth.

There are so many things I could say. For me, with everything still being so recent, I would mostly want to go on and on to her how she destroyed a family. But in the end, I know it was WH's choice and no matter what truths I say to them, WH will just tell more lies and make me out to be crazy anyway. It really hurts knowing that all these people (OW, WH's friends and family) believe all these lies about me and there is not a single thing I can do about it.

I wouldn't write to the OP. That would give her the indication that she 1. matters and 2. hmmm ... I guess thats all I got.

I did write an epic letter to her in my journal just to get it all out. Perhaps you could write it here to get it out. Many of us have done that and it is very cathartic.

Those who are important to you, know the truth and that is what really matters.

I wrote one that I never sent. I'll share it here:

Damn you, woman. Who do you think you are? If you want to be a mother, have your own children. Who are you to try to come between my children and I? You will never have the bond I have with my children! You tried to come in and lie to them, drive a wedge and create ill feelings towards me in my children.

When you were learning to spell, I was experiencing the wonder of a child growing inside me. I was carefully nurturing that child-to-be through careful living. Where were you when I was praying for the future of my child, eagerly awaiting their birth? Where were you when I was assembling the nursery, buying soft blankets and tiny clothes? You were not here because you don't belong here! You were struggling through elementary school!

You are an intruder, a thief, a snake. You came into my marriage and tempted my husband, my children's father away. Shame on you! You can have the man, but you will not have my children. I was the one who got my babies to sleep, who bathed them, dressed them, shared their dreams and fears, taught them to talk, and sat for hours holding them when they were sick, wiping up vomit, sponging feverish foreheads.

I was the one who studied their little features, thinking of who they looked like, who they acted like, who they would become. I was the one who laid awake at night, sleepless over worries about them and their troubles, who felt pain in my heart when their feelings were hurt, and long to fix the injustices in their lives. I am the one who taught them to toilet, dress themselves, tie their shoes, brush their teeth. I am the one who got up in the middle of the night to nurse them when they were babies and when they got older to soothe them when they had a nightmare.

You are an outsider, and imposter, a fraud. Your motives are selfish. Like the woman who stole the baby in the story of King Solomon in the Bible, at the end of the day your behaviors are driven by your wants, wishes and fears. My actions are driven by love of and care for my children. I would never want to hurt them, I would never want to damage their chances for success. I put my needs last, and I only want the best for them always.

So, butt out. Shut up. Remember what you are. You are the wife of their father, that does not make you a mother! Remember, a mother will fight for her children. You don't want to provoke me!

Yes I would write a letter and it would say...

FUCK YOU BITCH and the broom you rode in on...

Anything else is wasted time and energy!!!

FUCK YOU BITCH and the broom you rode in on...

That made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that, nothing more to say really.

OW:

XH will never be man enough to be my man, but he is exactly what you deserve.

Beyond that, that slore isn't worth my time/effort.

Mine would say:

Dear OW#umpteen now wife#4 (you do realize you're #4, right?),

I married xWH in a November, by December he convinced me to quit my job, by January he was in Baghdad and mad at me for quitting my job and merrily fucking other women.

It's interesting isn't it that you too married him a November, quit your job in a December and now look, last month your H took a special assignment that he had to volunteer for to send him to Baghdad. Hmm. What do you think comes next?

Smooches!
Cayc

FUCK YOU BITCH and the broom you rode in on...

Edited to read:

FUCK YOU BITCH with the broom you rode in on...

I kinda like that visual better.

[This message edited by debbysbaby at 5:01 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)]

You should write letters for yourself - not for her, not for him. Write it all out - get it out.

Then burn them.

I wrote dozens of letters and did not send a single one. It was still cathartic to write and cathartic to burn.

Today if I had a gun to my head and had to write one it would say: We have a no returns policy. Good luck - you'll need it.

There is nothing you can say that will make anyone wake up. Is there ANY instance that you would fuck a married man? ANY? Could his marriage ever be bad enough for that to be OK with you?

In reaching out to them we're either trying to get them to wake the fuck up or to hurt them but in doing so we are assuming they hold our same integrity, ethics and morals. They just don't. They are soulless and would probably have a great laugh at our pain.

Unremorseful WS are not worth it - APs less so. The OWs didn't make vows to me, didn't have a family with me. The man that did still did not give a flying fuck about me so why would his whores? It is illogical.

Dear Jessislut,

Congrats on winning my cheating, lying, manipulative, fucking fucktard muppet of an ex-husband!

Please, don't forget, you hurt ONE FUCKING HAIR on my kids' heads, I don't really care about vigilante justice being bloody. That's exactly the way I would want it.

Now take your meds and stop texting me. YOU DO NOT MATTER one teeny tiny little fuck when it comes to communications between me the UNFORTUNATE father of my children. FUCK OFF

I have done this a few times and never sent it too her. The OW in my H's PA was a "friend" of mine. She worked at the daycare my children went too and her son and one of mine became friends. We all went out once together, her, her H and 2 kids and myself, my H and 2 kids. We had a great time. Fast forward a few months and she texts me to start hanging out and working out together. Sounds great right? I want to lose weight and could use a girlfriend and what better motivation than to work out with a friend. She would come to my house with her kids. All the while she was sexting my H and the EA became a PA within a few months. When I found out I called her myself and called her some nasty nasty things.

My favorite line what when I told her the next time I see her I will punch her in the face so hard I might actually straighten her snaggle teeth but it won't make her any prettier because nothing can fix that ugly. damn it felt good too.

the problem is now I still see her in town so I have kept any further outbursts to myself in letters that will never be sent. (wish I could make good on that threat though)

Dear OW,

Stop posting pictures of my kid on FB.

He is trying to use you to get to me. You are a tool to him. And when you are no longer useful, he will toss you aside. So you are temporary. So stop posting pictures of my kid on FB.

-LittleFoggy

I would never write anything to her. She's nothing to me. She wasn't someone important in my life who betrayed me; she's a sad, dependent creature who needs a man to prop her up. These days, I feel less and less anger toward her. I don't feel quite so charitable as to feel sorry for her yet, but I do think that she's pitiful.

XWH, on the other hand...? Yeah. What I'd have to say to him would create a gigantic reply to this post. I might very well write him that letter even if it's only just to get everything off of my chest, and I never give it to him. He's the criminal in all of this-- the friend who betrayed me, the thief who stole from our martial assets to woo her, the father who refuses to be the man his children need, the asshole who put my health at risk so he could enjoy risky, unprotected sex with a stranger. I have A LOT to say to him.

I'm not sure if he can read, but I wouldn't have anything to say to him anyhow.

I really don't feel I have much to say to her any longer, but I guess I would just say that I pity her. She's so pathetic and needy that she chose a man who lied to her about being married and having children. When I called her and notified her that he was indeed married with children, she immediately forgave him and moved across country to live with him. It takes a really sad person to accept a situation like that. Good luck to her.

I said everything I have to say to OW/xBFF in a text I sent the night I went into the hospital.

"It would have been kinder to stab me in the back with a knife."

STBXH was told, "It would have been kinder to stab me in the heart with a knife."

It really sucked having two emotional knives sticking out of me. At least I've started to heal, and I wear emotional kevlar now.

Love this thread!

I have struggled with wanting to tell the OW how much he lied to her, just so that he doesn't have her as his Plan B anymore. I don't much care about hurting her, it's about hurting him.

I would want to say Enjoy the broken man you helped create, enjoy my leftovers, enjoy always living in the shadow of our 20-year relationship.

But I don't, because I want to continue to be an awesome person and blame free, and not give him any reason to talk shit on me. If things haven't turned sour with her yet, if he hasn't started showing his true colors...he will, and baby, he's all hers!

I sent a simple text on d day
"Patrick can't come out to play anymore, you're still a liar, cheat and thief, and so is he"

Hmmmm. What would I say. I had various versions of stuff I wanted to say at one time. Oh, hell, who am I kidding, I just wanted to punch her in the throat and kick her in her ugly face.
But, if I had to say something to her, I think I would send laughing faces and a "Wow, you really are one disgusting and fugly troll looking whore aren't you? And dumber than a box of rocks."
That would be about it.
Uhggg she is gross and disgusting, even thinking about sending a letter gives me the heebie jeebies, the paper doesn't deserve that kind of punishment.