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anyone here go from just friends, to more than just friends?

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sparkysable posted 7/8/2014 13:35 PM

Well, besides our XWS's who were "just friends" with the AP... that's not what I'm referring to here

If so, how did the transformation from friends to more occur?

There is this nice looking young gentleman that I am friends with. It has just dawned on me how damn good looking he is. I sometimes think about what if we could be more.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 1:37 PM, July 8th (Tuesday)]

sweetcrusader posted 7/8/2014 15:05 PM

We did. SO and I had been friends since I had started at my job (about 7 years prior). There was never anything inappropriate about the friendship, no sexual tension, or anything like that. Once XH and I split up, I found that I was spending a lot of time with him, and I noticed he was dropping little comments here and there that let me know he was open for more. Really, it just happened... There was no discussion or anything; being with him has always just felt really natural.

IrishGirlVA posted 7/8/2014 15:20 PM

Not for me. Once I put a guy in the friend category, he pretty much stays there. I wish it wasn't that way because it seems like it would be so wonderful to fall in love with someone who was just my friend first and it all caught me by surprise. Like that 80's movie "Some Kind of Wonderful".

So this young man of which you speak, does he talk to you pretty openly about other women? Does he tell you how head over heels he may be with someone? If not, that may be a good indication he possibly harbors romantic feelings for you, too.

I think it may be time for a one-on-one kind of situation!

tryingagain74 posted 7/8/2014 20:22 PM

sparky, is this the guy you were telling me and STBM about?

If so, ask him casually the next time you get together if he'd like to grab dinner. If you guys hang out, I don't see that as being too forward or pushy.

If not, then I need more info.

sparkysable posted 7/8/2014 21:35 PM

Yes TA74 this is the same guy

Irishgirl he has never talked about other women to me. He is pretty quiet though.

He is a BS also. We were all friends in our group when we were both married. Obviously our WS's were shunned by our group of friends once the affairs came out. My d-day and d was first, so when his d-day came I gave him advice and d advice also.

So for about a year and a half we would occasionally, about once or twice a month or so get together with our kids. We both have daughters the same age.

One day I looked over at him, and it suddenly struck me! Daaaaaammmmnnnnn he is cute! I never really realized it before.

His d -day was about a year and a half ago and his divorce was just finalized last month.

We have only ever done things together with the kids, never just the two of us. Oh and he is 8 years younger than me!

Newlease posted 7/9/2014 08:28 AM

I went out once with my current SO and put him firmly in the friend zone. I wasn't attracted to him "that way." He stayed my friend for 1 1/2 years and then we had both broken off short term relationships at the same time and decided to go out. He didn't push, but I started to see the romantic side of him. That was 4 years ago and we are living together now.


NaiveAgain posted 7/9/2014 09:01 AM

I was friends with my SO for a year before we started dating. I had friend-zoned him because he is considerably younger than me. He would make comments every once in a while that he was interested but I brushed them off and he was very respectful and didn't push (a big plus!)

Over time, I found we were doing more and more things together...we hung out in the same friend group and we would dance together once in a while and he even went Christmas shopping with me and he was so patient!

It hit me when I had a pair of shoes I couldn't decide on whether to purchase or not, and I sent HIM the picture of them asking if he thought I should get them.....I sent him the pic, not my bff or any of my female friends, and that night I didn't have anything to do and he invited me over, and we have been dating now for a year and a half.

Best decision I ever made. I know what he is made of because we were just friends first and he was actually dating a different friend when we first met....and then when they broke up, we became confidants because I had broken up with my XSO at the same time, so we helped each other over the heartbreak, remained good friends, and found we had a lot in common after all.....

ETA: Oh, the funny thing is, that we both dated a few others during the year we were just friends, and I even tried to help hook him up with another girl. I really loved him as just a friend until he made it clear that the age difference didn't matter because we are so alike in our belief system and what we want from a relationship and from the future and I decided to be open enough to listen to him.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 9:04 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

Crescita posted 7/9/2014 10:08 AM

I considered my SO just a friend, but once he made it clear he was interested in more, well it was more whether I wanted or not. I tried to keep up the "just friends" thing for a while as my marriage had recently ended, and I didn't really want anything serious, but once it was out there, any chance of remaining "just" friends, wasn't really honest. I considered my options to be 1)give it a whirl, or 2) end the friendship. I wasn't ready to end the friendship

sparkysable posted 7/9/2014 12:27 PM

TA I sent you a PM

SoHappyNow posted 7/9/2014 17:05 PM

Oh, yes.....big time! I thought he was my best guy friend, and he was.......while my late husband was alive. A mknth after my husband died, I moved to a different senior living facility across town. At that point, he realized that he felt more than friendship for me.

He'd been separated for more than a year at that point and had considered his marriage over for 11 years (as soon as his wife said she wasn't sleeping with him anymore. I asked him why he didn't leave or cheat at that point. He said he didn't leave because he was the primary (only) caregiver of the children. And he doesn't cheat.

So I have been multitasking for over a year, processing grief and joy. The two of us married on Valentines Day.

[This message edited by hit-by-a-train at 5:06 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

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