OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious
Sending you strength, girl!
First call: Therapy for both of you. Later, if you chose, marriage counseling.
This sounds like too much of a situation to tackle on your own.
Others will be along with more advice....
I know that sounds odd, but the thought of my husband being intimate with anyone in anyway makes me physically sick.
Blue Blue Eyes, no it is not odd, everytime I think of my wife with her OMs I feel like a shooting pain in my heart. When I first found out about her cheating 13 years ago, I vomited and was pounding my chest like some kind of animal trying to get the pain out of me.
You should feel sick, we all should feel sick even the OMs/OWs/WWs/WHs should feel sick, it is sick and disgusting behaivor and God hates it.
I know you have accused me of trying to change you. At this point I actually am. All of the below must happen. I can no longer live with less. God had Ten Commandments, these are my non negotiable conditions.
1. No lies even about the silliest little thing
2. You restore the respect of your children. This will not be easy but it's your responsibility not theirs. You will need to show them and their mother respect if you hope to gain theirs
3. I know all passwords
I check any history I feel necessary at any time
4. Our marriage issues and any problems you have with anything is only discussed with me. Women aren't your confidants. Boundaries.
5. I ask any questions any time I need and I get honest answers about any part of these situations.
6. You live in the home, if you open it you shut it, if you dirty it you clean it, if you take it out you put it away.
7. You show me love and respect you will not break anything or show any violence or raise your voice. Arguments are done reasonably and in private.
8. You created this mess. I will not fix it, you will. You will explain to your family and anyone else that you caused this and you are committed to fixing it. I won't make excuses for you.
9. This is never repeated in any way. Phone calls, emails and any inappropriate communication with other women will be cause for immediate divorce.
10. You will stay in therapy as long as the psychologist and I feel necessary.
If you agree to ALL of these I will evaluate our "marriage the end of November. If you do not agree you can move upstairs until bills are paid and finances are in order and we will divorce.
The teacher is fact? Was she arrested?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I'm very concerned about his claims of that much SA at the hands of that many offenders.
Just wanted to say that my WH had multiple female offenders - and he is in serious denial that his CSA is affecting his life now - it isn't even on his radar.
Shortly after we were married, my husband told me about a summer with a much older woman. This was the year we were engaged and a year before our wedding. I was 19 and didn't handle that very well in hind site. 4 years into our marriage I found out I was expecting our first child while stationed over seas. I flew home before him and he had a one night stand prior to coming home with another service member. I found out about that after our son was born. Another not so good reaction but worked through it.
yeah - anything other than you throwing his shit on the front lawn is a lesser reaction than he deserved, so don't you dare say you acted inappropriately when you found out!
I'm being absolutely honest about my feelings and I'm not holding back (I'm a military officer...) I have so much pain I'm not sure where to go with it sometimes.
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
I have finally found my voice and it is good!
Regarding your feelings on the other posters and your thoughts about their questioning.....The posters on SI give you their advice and opinions based on their life experiences and their knowledge. They only have your best interest at heart. Sometimes their opinions/advice are tough to read because we BS's are in such a vulnerable emotional state. Please keep posting and reading.
I think there is hope that he will stop cheating.
I did. Once a cheater always a cheater is not a true statement. Abuse messes up your boundaries and I didn't take cheating seriously for a long time.
I wish I had better answers BlueBlueEyes.
I haven't slept and may have more later!
Please don't blame yourself for whatever feelings you are having. You have the right to them.
I wish you peace and happiness.
[This message edited by Cyottee at 12:03 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]