This is what my BH said this weekend, he's trying to accept it but he can't accept, He thinks he loves me, this all while we are laying on the bed in a spoon position. And after a trigger week caused by my insensitive fb book. We both know it was a nothing post but we both know now it was a insensitive trigger post.
In other words if I hadn't cheated, it would not have even been a thought.
However this caused a trigger, and he is working down south on this new business venture, staying in the house we rent for the business with the forman, whose GF just got cheating on him. So my BH is also listening day in and day out and reliving morning noon and night.
He also came home and said we are different than them, we are different people.
During this time we were laying together, I listened and felt his pain, his frustration, he is frustrated with himself for not being able to control his thoughts, the dwelling, he is angry, so angry, and he is starting to see that how he is used to dealing with people is to throw them away, so to walk away, and he doesn't think twice. He doesn't deal with what they did he just throws them away, and he is unable to do that with me. Itis an internal conflict that he doesn't know what to do and he takes it out on those around him, and at work , everywhere.
AS a BH, are you able to hear from your WW, ideas, or thoughts, or suggestions. I hear so much from him that I know many of you have talked about and I know my IC has talked about to me. And ideas that you have tried and have worked or not worked.
Were you able to accept that from your WW, or did it irritate you more.
My voice irritates him when he has dark days.
He still says what is IC going to do for me, I mentioned it this weekend again, this time I didn't get a no just a, what do you think they can do that I haven't already tried.
What do I answer to that.
He wants this marriage, I can see that in his words his actions, we both screw up, we are working hard.
Do you ever want to hear what your WW has learnt about herself, are you curious , would it help, or would hear it as a justification and a excuse? WE don't talk about what I am learning, in fact he doesn't want to talk about what happened.
I know a lot of this I can't do anything about , he needs to heal himself, and he said he realizes the ball is in his court, and that I am trying my hardest.
He is not willing to verify or check anything I do, he has only once ever looked at my phone and that was back at the very beginning, he has been given all my passwords. He just says he doesn't want to live his life as a jealous husband. As BH how can your rebuild your trust if you don't check?
I guess that might be me projecting, since it would be what I would do.
What I am hoping for is a little insight , is there anything I can do to help support my BH more. I do realize that the struggle for him is ultimately now, can he learn to accept what I have done and enjoy life with what I have given us or move on. I think this is where he is at. He has said if he really thought I was still cheating or will cheat he would not be laying beside me. ANd he does see us being happy. It the fight within himself, which I am afraid I can do nothing to help. :-( and either way I think he will always feel he has a lose lose choice. Which depending on your outlook on life is true.
Sorry for the length, I needed to talk