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Please help......its crashing in on me

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AmSoDone posted 7/8/2014 20:19 PM

Today has been horrible

Tonight I can't sleep. 5 months after he has gone I am now thawing out from the numbing shock of him leaving me and even though today was awful, I have been feeling this creeping up on me since I came on SI. All the hurt and pain that he has caused me for all my adult life is crashing in on me. I have read so many posts and so many have struck chords with me and brought back memories that I had suppressed.

I know I need IC and I will be booking an appointment tomorrow but right now I need some advice on how to get through. Please.

Nature_Girl posted 7/8/2014 20:27 PM

There have been times when I needed to just concentrate on getting through the next minute, the next five minutes, the next hour. I honestly have had to break it down into that small of increments in order to survive. I used to focus on breathing in & out. Just breathing. That was all I could manage. Close my eyes, breathe in slowly through my nose, hold it for a few seconds, then slowly out exhale out of my mouth.

There have been times when I had to shut my kids out of the room, turn a fan on high for white noise, and scream into a pillow to muffle the noise. Scream therapy.

Sometimes the low points in this journey are very low. Scary low.

AmSoDone posted 7/8/2014 20:32 PM

I think I'm panicking. I don't want this, I never wanted this. This has been just one big horrible nightmare and now I'm waking up and it's worse.

Gemini71 posted 7/8/2014 21:05 PM

If there is any chance of you hurting yourself, do what I did. Go to the emergency room. Tell them you do not feel safe. If it's anything like the system here in the US, they'll get you an immediate psychiatric consult. Don't be scared off by possibly being hospitalized, it is the best way to get you stabilized emotionally with medication. It is also a completely safe place to break down and deal with the nightmare. You are not weak, you have been strong too long.

You are not alone. Let us know how you're doing.

AmSoDone posted 7/8/2014 21:19 PM

No Gemini, I won't hurt myself. I suppose I can't figure out where I am at now. I don't know what I had, I don't know what I've lost, I know it's all supposes to mean something but I don't know what. It's the same old sad song, I never knew this man. 32 years and he is a stranger to me.

Gemini71 posted 7/8/2014 21:30 PM

Very glad to hear that AmSoDone. Sending virtual hugs your way.

timeagain posted 7/8/2014 21:55 PM

It really helped whenI realized the man I married was dead and a stranger had taken over his body. I then stated to morn my husband and was much more able to detach from the horrible ass that was this stranger with my husbands face. I'm sorry you are hurting. It sounds so empty but I do swear it gets easier.

katiesmom posted 7/9/2014 11:21 AM


It is so incredible the amount of pain these wayward spouses can cause us, but it will get better. The pain will lessen. As time goes by, something may trigger the pain, but it won't be nearly as frequent. Healing takes time.
Take care of yourself and know that you are not alone.

nekorb posted 7/9/2014 17:31 PM

I was fortunate to have very kind and compassionate friends who would talk me down off the ceiling amidst a panic attack or an overwhelming sob session.

Thank God for them!!!

I still have mascara stains on the carpet from some of the more horrible days.

It gets better. It does. Hang in there.

Detach. Detach. Detach.

southsidecali posted 7/9/2014 17:42 PM

for me it helped to read, read and read some more.

the more i understood my FOO and insight into his own FOO- the easier it became to accept that he is seriously personality disordered.

I am surrounded by people that love and have supported me, even the attorney that i had to hire for my latest round of him having his 4mos fiancee file Rest orders- he said he has dealt with alot of criminals and he sees he is a sociopath just from reading the email/text exchanges.

Once court is done, I can share just so you can see the extent of disconnect they have.

The flags have always been there, we just didn't know. Look back and work through the memories and it can help you detach when you realize you have been on your own all along.

Focus on you, minute by minute if need to.

AmSoDone posted 7/9/2014 17:42 PM

Thank you all for your kind words. It really helped me get over my panic yesterday. Feel much better today. (see my post) He's just too broken for words and I can't stay distraught at that just sad.

dmari posted 7/9/2014 17:44 PM

How are you doing today? What helped me get through the raw pain and hurt was IC, SI, my Faith and my IRL support. In time, it will hurt less but I know when you are in the middle of a panic/anxiety attack, your brain doesn't allow you to remember that.

In my worst moments, I would take a deep breath in and breath out and think/say "release". I also needed xanax for the first couple of weeks in order to just sleep. It helped to shut my brain off and not ruminate over the pain. The xanax was short term until my antidepressants kicked in.

Please check in when you can. I hope you were able to schedule your appointment.

eta: P.S. Hey ~ I think we were posting at the same time. Good to hear from you! I will look for your other post.

[This message edited by dmari at 5:45 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

AmSoDone posted 7/9/2014 17:56 PM

thank you dmari for your advice.

I did look up local ICs online but work was so busy today I wasn't able to fit in any calls. But I will, its my no. 1 priority.

I got through today and I am giving myself a pat on the back for that. I wanted to stay in bed and wallow but I forced myself up and I know it was the right thing to do. I didn't get chance to think today and this evening I am calm so I am grateful. One day at a time.....

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