SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

because of you

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

gctitansfan posted 7/9/2014 07:05 AM

i had recently caught my partner cheating on me when i confronted her about it and asked her why she said that she thought we were going to break up and felt that i had not been paying her enough attention and it was because of me and my actions or lack of that she did it. but she did admit she made a mistake but feels im partly responsible. looking back at it now i must admit i was neglectful and im feeling a little bit like i pushed her to do it, so what im wondering is how much attention does a woman need and is there such thing as to much attention, i mean if i do decide to get into another relationship i dont want to smother her because now i think i need

OakStreet posted 7/9/2014 07:15 AM

The reasons for an affair cannot be blamed on the betrayed partner. Your partner had other options.

Have you decided whether the two of you will try to reconcile? If so, read the info in the Healing Library (upper right corner).

Of course, every woman is different in how much attention they need/want.

Good luck to you!

seethelight posted 7/9/2014 09:43 AM

...asked her why she said that she thought we were going to break up and felt that i had not been paying her enough attention and it was because of me and my actions or lack of that she did it. but she did admit she made a mistake but feels im partly responsible. looking back at it now i must admit i was neglectful

My wayward used the same baloney. He claimed he thought I did not love him.

This is clearly blameshifting. Do not allow it. She needs counseling to understand that the affair was all her fault and her choice.

She could have talked to you about her concerns or sought counseling, instead she chose to be disrespectful of you and the marriage by having an affair behind your back.

Did she really think that the affair would solve the problems. No. It was something she wanted and she chose to engage with the other man.

Even worse, now she is claiming it is YOUR fault she had an affair.

It is not your fault.

All marriages have ups and downs. Being able to weather the storms in the marriage is what love and comittment is all about.

Your spouse like mine, when the going got a bit tough, decided to do something selfish and self absorbed, and very traumatizing to you.

Your spouse needs to face herself by accepting blame for her negative behavior and poor coping skills.

norabird posted 7/9/2014 10:41 AM

Are you perfect? No. But is your lack of perfection, when NONE of us is perfect, really a reason for her to claim she is justified in cheating?!?!

Don't let her make you take this on yourself. SHE is the broken one. YOU are the one who was trying to do the work of being in a real relationship. Don't buy her gaslighting, blameshifting noensense. It makes me mad when these cheaters try to turn everything around on the betrayed partner!!!!

Uhtred posted 7/9/2014 11:58 AM

Cheating on someone is a sure sign that the individual is a seriously selfish and messed up person. There are so many choices that one can make besides cheating. If she thought the relationship was so bad why didn't she speak up so that you could try and meet her needs?

Why didn't she break up with you? She didn't do those things because she is a selfish person and no matter how much attention you poured on her it would never be enough because she has an empty hole inside her. She can never be filled with enough attention because of it, at least until she gets some counseling and figures out why she did this.

Don't let her blame you for the affair. It's ok to admit fault on your part for the detriment of the relationship but cheating is all on her.

soccermom9 posted 7/9/2014 13:29 PM

You definitely need to realize you did not cause her choice to cheat! She made that choice alone! Regardless of anything you did or didnt do! Did she try to talk to you about what was going on? Even if she did and you ignored her it was still NOT OK to cheat!!!!

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy