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Worst pain ever

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MrzJohnson posted 7/9/2014 10:30 AM

I trusted my husband completely until two weeks ago he admitted to a one night stand because the condom broke n he had an std. I feel so betrayed. We were the perfect couple. Everyone envied what we had, and in one moment my world fell from under my feet and I can't seen to bounce back although I've chosen to stay and try to work it out

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/9/2014 10:35 AM

I'm awful sorry you find yourself here. You didn't deserve this crappy hand you were dealt, but welcome to the club no one wanted to join.

The more time you spend reading here, you'll see that most cheaters don't nearly tell the honest truth on D Day. Quite honestly, your husband's story is like all the rest of them when they get caught - they ALL claim it was a one night stand - just a random one time thing. You'll find over the next weeks/months that this is probably not true.

Do some reading in the Healing Library (the yellow bar on the left) and do tons of reading here on the boards. The info you get will be invaluable - and more than likely keep you from being steamrolled from the actual truth.

Good luck to you.

norabird posted 7/9/2014 10:36 AM


I'm so sorry. This is not what you will want to hear, but it is too early to really choose to stay, because there is just no way that you know the full truth yet, and you can't commit to working on something until you know what you're dealing with. How likely is it that he has one ONS and the condom just happens to break and he just happens to get an STD?

It is so hard to lose the certainty about your relationship, but I think you are trying to cling to it by accepting this version of reality. Please consider whether you really are getting the full truth or whether (as is almost always the case) there is more to the story.

In the meantime take care of yourself and know that no matter what you will survive this.

allusions posted 7/9/2014 11:18 AM

It's highly unlikely that you've gotten the entire story from him. Only once, AND the condom broke, AND it resulted in an STD? Really?

Investigate things. His email, phone records, credit card records and bank statements. Look for inconsistencies and discrepancies. Check his texts, look at his computer.

It is too early to make the decision to stay in the relationship, because you don't know the full story. That doesn't mean you have to leave either-just get to the truth before you decide.

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/9/2014 11:51 AM

((Hugs)) I'm sure this is the biggest and most devastating shock of your life! Like others have said, you have likely learned the surface of what really happened. He's probably trying to preserve what dignity he has left after admitting to a ONS and an STD.

Do you wonder, would he have confessed the ONS if he hadn't contracted an STD?? Is this the first time, really?? Investigate. Give yourself plenty of time to think of the possibilities of what you don't know. You're probably still in shock.

Hang in there.

Uhtred posted 7/9/2014 11:52 AM

The condom breaking stories are always such bull shit. Condoms don't just break like that even if you are hung like a horse. You're still getting trickle truth right now and haven't gotten the whole story. He doesn't want you to think that he is just that selfish to have unprotected sex with someone and put you at risk. I'm so sorry you had to find yourself here but am glad you came. Read and post and you'll learn how to heal.

Sunnydaysahead posted 7/9/2014 12:03 PM

It is the worst pain ever! What a terrible way to find out about your husband's infodelity. I hope you have gotten tested For STD's yourself.

Gently, I tend to agree with the other posters that there is more to your husband's story than he is telling you.

Please read the articles in the healing library, they will help you begin to process the pain.


steppingup posted 7/9/2014 18:58 PM

Everyone that meets my wife and I say we have the perfect life, good job, great home, beautiful children..everything...Church leaders...except they dont know my wife is a serial cheater and will not give up her OMs. Not such a great life after all. Yes everyday when I wake up, its like I HATE remembering that the women in the bed next to me is completely untrustworthy and the safety of our relationship is likely destroyed forever. You will go through much, I have lived with this pain for too long already, 14 years, I which I bailed out before kids showed up, my life would likely be far better off. God Bless you. Good luck. Come back always for help.

Gotmegood posted 7/9/2014 20:59 PM

Look, whether he broke your trust once or 13 times hardly matters right now. You are in total shock. You have been blindsided. You are hurting and you are, like most of us, never saw this tsunami coming our way.
It is time for you to practice good self care. Sleeping and eating will most likely be hard, but do the best that you can. Get full panel STD testing done. See if you can gather yourself to do some investigating on your own: cell phone bills, email trails, cash withdrawals that look suspicious. Apps on his phone, Facebook activity, that sort of thing.
Had he not contracted an STD, what do you think the chances are that he would have fessed up on his own accord? Most of the time these selfish assholes only cop to what you 'know''s all about covering their ass in the beginning. They are protecting themselves, and do not want to hurt you further, and generally do not want to face what they've really done. If you truly have decided that you can stay, and that he is suddenly trustworthy again, it still would be smart for you to check out everything that you can. Getting it ALL out in the open NOW will be terrifically helpful in the next year or so as you attempt to heal from the trauma you've been dealt. Has he told you who the ONS was with? Is he willing to figure out WHAT made him decide to engage in that kind of risky and deceitful behavior? I'm so sorry for your pain. I remember that sick , sad, and very shocking beginning. But you will get better MrzJ, you really will, but it's slow.

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