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Newest Member: Alleycats (61167)

User Topic: Iím hoping I can get past it soon & appreciate how good he looks
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just before I found out about the A, WH had bought some nice clothes. I enjoyed seeing him in them, especially in the shirt that was my favorite color.

Then I found out he wore them to look good for OW & later that she had been shopping with him when he bought them. I was so disappointed.

Even so, I still asked him to wear them a few times when we were going out. He looked so fine in those clothes! His attractiveness made my desire for him grow even deeper.

As time went on, I started to resent the fact that he had bought them to look nice for her. Every time he wore them I would either get mad or feel sorry for myself. I believed he thought ĎI wasnít good enough to buy nice clothes for.í Eventually I told him how I felt. He quit wearing them. I told him I wanted them gone. He said OK & I dropped them at a local charity place. He would have but I was driving past there and did it before he had the chance to do it himself.

Recently he ordered a shirt online, he showed it to me before he did. I even said thatís nice you look so good in that color. When it came I was surprised that it stirred up those feelings of resentment and anger. Iím hoping I can get past it soon and appreciate how good it looks on him.

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50's WH 50's
NC-several, last broken NC 7/2013 (?)
Married 30+ years, 2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get it. My H has always been more into clothes and his look than I have. He ended the A in the early spring so the A clothes from winter did not come out until the next year. One day he walks out in a fleece vest with white cat hair all over it. We do not have a cat, she did. I told him to throw it out. Actually I told him to burn it. He has thrown out other clothes, including a whole outfit, shoes and all, that he wore in a picture I found of the two of them. Clothing was a trigger for me. Not immediately, like you, it took a while for some things to settle in to my brain.

I really hated throwing out some things because I had good memories attached to certain shirts, etc. They had to go because those memories had been tainted, even with something as superficial as clothing.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

Posts: 3428 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
♀ 43280
Member # 43280
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand the clothing trigger. I burned (in our grill) the four shirts OW bought for my husband. One of them was his so called "lucky" football team shirt. There is a picture I posted on FB last fall of our family, and he was wearing that shirt in it. Apparently OW used to laugh about how I didn't know his lucky shirt was from her.

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 45 (him)
Married 20 years
3 kids
D-Day: 4/7/14, 11 month LTA
Together- trying to R

Posts: 151 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 29341
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand . . . when my H was in the thick of his shitty behavior he would go shopping and ask my opinion on "cool" shirts, which he never cared about before. He dyed his hair to cover the gray, got cosmetic surgery to remove some sort of sunspot on his face (then bragged to his friends about how the woman who did the procedure was "the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen" ), got into P90X and started buying stuff like heads of lettuce and cottage cheese from the grocery store and just eating that.

He's gained some weight recently and decided he wanted to eat better and join a gym. He goes there with his friend a few times a week and has started taking vitamins and eating healthier food. Even though he urged me to join too (I did) and we go together sometimes and then swim with our daughter, it's still somewhat of a trigger for me. I just keep reminding myself that he is doing this for his health (same as me and my running routine) and it's not to impress other women (he's certainly not buying "cool" shirts or dyeing his hair this time).

Proud mom to a lovely young lady and a sweet little boy.

Posts: 8398 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Southeast US
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted on FB last fall of our family, and he was wearing that shirt in it. Apparently OW used to laugh about how I didn't know his lucky shirt was from her.

Omg what a bitch ^^^^
Soconfused..clothes are a trigger for me too. My ws kept bringing shirts home that apparently his mom bought him. The last one was a t-shirt from an independent brewery that had a nasty little message in big bold letters. He wore it proudly, one time I knew his mom would never buy something like that. He looked for it in his drawer for a few days then had the balls to ask where it went. I told him I shredded it and put it in my rag bag.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 5

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