Sounds like fantastic changes in yourself. I can relate. I think I was the one who 'needed to be right' in our relationship. I'm pretty sure my H did too, but what's been the best progress for me and my health is to stop keeping tabs on who does what, so I'm trying really hard to stop that.
I say, in our situation, give lots and LOTS of room for fWS to change and grow. I truly believe that the trauma of being a BS dials-up the urgency of self-work, and that it takes longer for a fWS to come to realizations and change.
Let her see it in you, she will. When I stopped trying to SHOW it to others, that's when they could see me. When I stopped working for a 'tangible result', but instead for the peace and joy of each moment and for my family, that's when I started to notice 'results' around me.
Be happy when you're happy. Smile at your wife, adore her sometimes even if it's counter-intuitive. Just a thought, but holy crap, what a game-changer it's been for me. It sounds like you're on a similar journey of self-discovery - so keep going. For you first, then your spouse and relationship if it seems right to you.