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greenear1975 posted 7/9/2014 11:09 AM

My story can be read on "About to Let Go" in the Reconciliation" Forum.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=535047

I feel my W truly wants to be IL with me again, but has come to the conclusion she's gotta fix herself before she can fully commit to helping me heal. She feels the limbo is unfair to me & our 2 boys.

A best friend of hers came over yesterday and the 3 of talked for hours. Her friend is convinced she doesn't want to lose me, but she just can't help fix us until she fixes herself. That may be completely true.

Did your BH leave you?

Did you ever realize the full impact of what you did and how it affected your whole family?

Were you ever able to feel true remorse and communicate that to your BH?

Did you have to hit rock bottom to realize that you lost the man who loved you unconditionally and wanted to R?

Were you able to R after separation?

rachelc posted 7/9/2014 11:17 AM

Did you have to hit rock bottom to realize that you lost the man who loved you unconditionally and wanted to R?

yes. When I saw him in utter despair over what I did. Seriuosly, a broken man. Your wife has seen you like this.

She continues to hurt you. I suspect she wants some space to continue her affair. Will she being seeing other people during this separation?
Your wife sounds very selfish. 2X4 coming:
I'd kick her out and have her find a way to win YOU back, all the while you have custody of the boys.

greenear1975 posted 7/9/2014 11:30 AM

Thanks rachelc.

The A is over, but the AP dumped her like a bad habit the day I found out. He had been telling her he loved her and they were gonna spend the rest of their lives together. My WW just can't get over it even though she now realizes it wasn't "love".

She basically says she lost love for me years ago and doesn't know if she can get it back.

If it weren't for the kids, I'd be done playing nice, but I hate to drag them thru a world war. They don't deserve any of this!

timidhope posted 7/9/2014 18:50 PM

I'm not a WW, and my situation is different from your fww but I'll add my answers if it'll help you in any way:

Did your BH leave you?
- bBF wanted NC for one week and gradually spoke with me more (once a week until a month later where we spoke almost every day)
- He's in limbo right now

Did you ever realize the full impact of what you did and how it affected your whole family?
- Yes, towards the end of the A and definitely after DDay the impact gradually dawned on me. I think now I'm seeing the full picture (almost a year after the end of the A)

Were you ever able to feel true remorse and communicate that to your BH?
- I am remorseful and I can trust that assessment because the reasons for me to never do that again aren't only about him but also about me and the need to honour myself for my own well-being and happiness.

Did you have to hit rock bottom to realize that you lost the man who loved you unconditionally and wanted to R?
- How he handled himself after DDay made me realize he truly does love me in the crazy love way. Any other person would have seen the easy route is to leave but it takes an amazing person to want to stay for good reasons. It makes me more determined to prove to him that our future is worth this heartache and pain.

Were you able to R after separation?
- We're still in limbo.

I feel my W truly wants to be IL with me again, but has come to the conclusion she's gotta fix herself before she can fully commit to helping me heal. She feels the limbo is unfair to me & our 2 boys.

If she's honest about that then good for her for knowing her limitations. Is she in counseling?

Would you rather she be there in limbo with you rather than leave to take care of herself first? She's got to know that choosing to leave might mean never being able to return by your side though. Conversely choosing to stay in limbo still doesn't mean reconciliation for the both of you either...I think this is why it's hard for me as a wayward to own the idea of letting go of the outcome.

Darkness Falls posted 7/9/2014 21:54 PM

Did your BH leave you?

Yes.

Did you ever realize the full impact of what you did and how it affected your whole family?

Yes.

Were you ever able to feel true remorse and communicate that to your BH?

Yes.

Did you have to hit rock bottom to realize that you lost the man who loved you unconditionally and wanted to R?

Yes to needing to hit rock bottom...no to losing a man who loved me unconditionally---no one loves anyone unconditionally---and who wanted to R---he didn't.

Were you able to R after separation?

Better than that...we were able to R after divorce.

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