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Why the harsh words???

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Numb2014 posted 7/9/2014 11:54 AM

So, today I forgot that I had a couple of appointments after work. I texted him to ask him if he could tell DS that I would be home late, and to see if he (xbf) could pick dd up since he would be out her way since I can't until very late. Very short, casual, to the point. OMG. The text I got was basically "Its not my fault you forgot you had two appointments. You always pick the worst time to ask me for help, etc etc etc, no I can't, I have a deadline for school". I just feel like I was attacked, and for what!? I was just giving the courtesy of asking their father if he can pick them up after school. Al he had to say was "sorry, I have a deadline I have to meet by midnight. Do you have a backup plan?" Any rational thinking person would have...

Will THIS ever stop, or is this forever? I didn't respond. I had a backup plan, I ALWAYS do. I was just giving him "first right of refusal". Trying to be respectful. I want off of this roller coaster...

homewrecked2011 posted 7/9/2014 12:28 PM

I'm sorry, but this is how it goes for our household, also.

Save that text. I'm not sure if you've been to court or not, but things like this show a pattern to the judge -- especially the lecture. Judges know that no rational person should treat the mother of their child like this.

I have learned over the last 2 years to pretend the guy I married is dead. I even asked him to take our son to school early some days so I could get promoted at work - the man lives 1/4 mile from me. You wouldn't believe all the crap I got back in a text...How I wanted custody so badly, I should have thought about that sooner, how I should talk to OW about HER picking up our son, how I should get over what happened, etc. etc.... (I've come to realize she is feeding him what he should say. She wants me to look angry, irrational, etc so he will see how "wonderful" SHE is....

The sooner you can detach from him, the better.
Next time say in the text, "You asked for first right of refusal, do you want to pick up our child?" Let him hang himself with his response..
In fact, don't respond to his text if he goes off on you... post your "dream" response here for us to enjoy!!

(((numb)))

SBB posted 7/9/2014 19:59 PM

I recommend you put in a deadline eg.

As per our agreement I am offering you FRR to XYZ. Please advise if you can by DATE/TIME otherwise I will make other arrangements.

Then ignore any bullshit he spews. If you don't have an agreement then take out the "As per our agreement".

I can't see how old your kids are but can you contact DS yourself? If so then don't ever ask XBF to pass on messages.

I have to say I'd be pissed off about being asked at such late notice too. That doesn't excuse his outburst but I wouldn't take too kindly to having to pick up the slack for the sad clowns forgetfulness. That is not my job anymore. I doubt you would be happy about it either.

This is pretty normal in the early days. It takes time for everyone to adjust to this new normal. I am far more careful with my schedule now than I ever was in my M because I need to be. It also takes a while for him to realise he doesn't get to speak to you like that anymore - it is inappropriate.

You can't control what he does of how he reacts but you can control how much you let it impact you. I expect the sad clown to be a fuckwit about everything. That way I'm not disappointed when he is. When he isn't it is a nice surprise.

StillLivin posted 7/10/2014 01:28 AM

Basically what SBB said. Then crickets. Any future first right of refusal texts need to probably state as such.
"Douche, in accordance to first right of refusal, will you be able to pick up DD after school today?"
If he blasts you, take a screen shot and save it for a judge. He will make himself look like the ass he is if he blasts you or gives you even the slight hard time about picking up one of the kids.
Do not ever let him know again that you forgot about appointments, or any such other personal tidbit of information. He is not your friend anymore.

wannabenormal posted 7/10/2014 03:18 AM

We originally started out co-parenting well; as the years have gone on - XH has gotten bad (never harsh words, but loss of interest for sure).

This year, I decided to do what I need to and not worry about him. There's nothing major - but it seems the simplest of tasks are a big deal now.

Expect XH to get worse; not better. You were nice to offer right of refusal, but don't offer again.

I'm sorry.

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