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It feels so selfish

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soconfusednow posted 7/9/2014 12:02 PM

I always thought it was my H job to take care of me & mine to take care of him. It feels so selfish expressing my needs, wants & desires and taking care of them without placing my WH needs wants & desires before my own. But Iím learning if I donít take care of myself no one will.

TheIrishGirl posted 7/9/2014 12:31 PM

It's one of those, "put on your own oxygen mask first" moments. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't hope to take care of someone else. I'm really bad at doing it too, but recognizing it is the first step. Then comes the continual effort until it feels natural.

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/9/2014 12:35 PM

I understand what you're saying. When you start seeing the benefits of taking care of you first, and how your other relationships improve when you treat yourself with compassion, kindness, self care- it will become easier and natural.

healingroad posted 7/9/2014 12:35 PM

I tried not expressing needs and thinking of myself, at least as far as how my time is spent...didn't work at all. Barely hanging on as it is.

It still feels strange trying to think, "what do I need right now" instead of the usual "What should I be doing right now." Sometimes when these two things got into enough conflict I'd just shut down altogether, still happens too.

soccermom9 posted 7/9/2014 13:00 PM

I am also a giver and struggling to do take care of myself. Its only been 3 weeks since my Dday and I still find myself taking care of him over my own needs. I wonder if this is counterproductive since he may feel his actions were ok!

Ostrich80 posted 7/9/2014 13:03 PM

I agree. It felt so strange at first but its getting easier. I'm kind of liking it now. In the beginning though, I felt very selfish because.I was raised that way, put others before yourself. That may work if those others reciprocated.

HighlandPaddy posted 7/9/2014 14:08 PM

Irish girl- that's a great analogy. I'm going to borrow that one.

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