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Newest Member: Curiousme2 (61776)

User Topic: Broken NC was a positive
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I had a hard night the other night. Dipshit taking up way too much space in my head. Mostly missing the past etc. I was weak so I texted him and set up getting together for lunch.

I wasn't really sure what I wanted to accomplish. I guess just to talk like human beings. Dipshit was his normal self. Not really rude or anything, projecting his 'nice guy' persona. But I noticed just how much of his conversation was "I". It was all about him, his job search, looking for a new apartment, his therapy and legal situation. A few comments about the kids and how we're going to handle their health insurance. I think I brought them up first.

Not one question about how I was doing. The last time we really talked was just after I got out of the psych hospital. He knows I'm on ADs that are VERY expensive. No apologies, no concern, but I wasn't really looking for that.

Later that same day I had a therapy appointment and we talked a lot about it. I think what I wanted, or needed from that lunch meeting, was to gauge my own reaction to him. To see if this is really the same guy I loved. And you know what? He's not. He's a stereotypical 'nice guy', but that's only because that's how he wants to be seen. He's really capable of incredible selfishness, and I can see that now. Dipshit really is an immature little child-man, and I don't find that attractive now. Maybe when I was 23, because there was still time to grow up, but not in a 40+ year old man.

To make a long story short (too late), I think I'm finally falling out of love with him. What a relief!

One day
I'm gonna forget your name,
And one sweet day,
you're gonna drown in my lost pain. - "Sweet Sacrifice" by Evanescence

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Posts: 3391 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
♀ 34543
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I find that right after breaking NC, either on accident or on purpose, I do really well at the time and right after. Only later does it start to take up my head space re-hashing everything said and not said. I hope this really helps you move forward, but if you do find it has actually thrown you a few steps back just learn from it and continue moving forward again.

Cheers to falling out of love with these selfish men!!!!

D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 806 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 2

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