I haven't posted in a long time. Usually I just lurk and I get a lot of help just reading through many of the stories from other SI posters.
Overall we are doing pretty well for being just under 2 years. My wife has been completely transparent and has done a ton of work on her FOO issues and marriage issues. She hasn't spoken to her parents in over 20 months as they are part of her FOO issues. She is not doing anything that would make me suspicious and is completely supportive of my struggles to get over her infidelity.
It's me that keeps having the problems. I can't let go of the pain and anger towards her. I do really well most of time. I think of the infidelity every day, but am able to push through it and not let it affect me like it used to. But sometimes, when my wife does or says something that triggers me, it's like I just jump out of my chair with indignity and rage. It's really the major stumbling block I have left to overcome.
My wife is/was a very moral and upstanding person (I know, that's an odd statement but she is/was) I've always made sure to avoid places like Hooters and other risque places out of respect for her. I don't look at porn, look at other women (at least I don't stare...) and in general I try to be very respectful. Since her one night stand, she has been very suspicious at times of me and has made very accusatory comments or questions about my behavior. To be clear, I'm NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!!! And it so outrages me that I lose it on her. I mean, it offends me so deeply that I can't think straight.
On the 3rd of July we passed a restaurant called the Tilted Kilt which is a Hooters kind of place. Tight clothes on the waitresses , etc. She thought it would be fun to go there (she didn't realize what it was but did). When I explained it wouldn't be appropriate to take our kids there, she turns it on me and starts grilling me because she thinks that since I know what kind of restaurant it is and she's never even heard of it that I must have been there somehow...
Well, that did it for me. I was so pissed off that I conciously made a decision to get drunk. Drinking too much is my terrible way to deal with being pissed off. It is a horrible thing and I do realize I'm slowly poisoning myself. It's a poor excuse but the pain of infidelity is so astoundingly hard that it numbs the pain.
Well, I got so drunk that I was puking drunk. Something I haven't done since the days of her affair. I got in to it with her and ended up pushing her down to the floor also. Which is what has me so upset. I've never, ever laid my hands on her or anyone in anger before. Even after I found out about her cheating I never did. I'm just horrified at what I've done. I've apologized profusely, I immediately quit drinking and I've called my IC to start up again with him.
My wife and I now both agree that we at a point where I either have to figure out a way to let her affair go and get on with our marriage OR if her one night stand is a deal breaker, then let's get on with figuring out how to co parent our 3 fantastic kids and seperate.
I'm really torn at this time to be honest. I absolutely love my wife and I would die without the kids. But I'm also just so tired of the pain that this continues to inflict. It's just brutal and I am just painfully torn.
2x4's welcome, advise definitely welcome.