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Confused...honesty required.

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VG1976 posted 7/9/2014 20:58 PM

Quick background, wife was wayward. Multiple partners even after being caught. Three kids together. Its been 5.5 years since the last d-day. We went our own ways and she's been with multiple people, one who cheated on her (which sadly I kinda smiled with karma on that one, I'm really not a horrible person.) And she just got out of a 3 year long relationship. No relationships for me in this time (I don't know maybe I am to scared to look for one?) Weve maintained a friendly status together.

Either way, about a month ago she was here visiting (we live about 400 miles apart) with the girls (our kids) and she got very sick. She wouldn't let me leave her side and I stuck by her. She was still in this relationship with another guy.
Well we visited two different hospitals together and I basically was her bed nurse the week and a half she was down. During this time she confessed she still loved me and I told her I refuse to talk to her about anything like this while she was with another man in the relationship. Well about a week after she went back she broke up with him and he destroyed her house and some of the things inside as well...blah blah blah. She calls me every night and was just here over the 4th of July weekend again. Nothing happened and we didn't talk much but she wants to move over here and wants us to move in together. The kids think we are getting back together and she talks openly about this stuff with her family. When she talks to me she never asks me anything, like how was my day or what did you have for dinner, what are you doing this weekend? Its always about her and what's going on good or bad. And my head is fucking spinning like wtf is going on? I would not mind trying again we had 16 years together but I would want to take it slow and reasonable. I have honestly tried slipping back into a no contact rule but it makes her call/text more. Or she takes the phone from one of my girls when were talking and tells them its her turn. And honestly I don't know if she truly loves me or if she just needs a filler...

However I've noticed if I do play along and get very interested she shuts down and it leaves me scratching my head even more. Sometimes I wonder if she has some kind of personality disorder. I don't know what to do I don't feel trapped but I feel like something is moving to quick but I don't know what that something is. I also couldn't even tell you honestly if she had a "better option" if shed suddenly drop me. She agrees to everything I ask so it's when I come forward and out of my shell and she clams up that I get confused...wtf should I think?

plainpain posted 7/9/2014 21:09 PM

Do NOT do it. Nothing you have said indicates that she has come remotely close to working through why she chose to be a serial cheater. You will get nothing but heartbreak out of that. She is showing absolute disregard for the psychological and emotional well-being of your children - encouraging them to get their hopes up and putting you in the position of being the one who "didn't want mommy and daddy together again/happy family/unicorn farts". For their sake and yours, you need to set some clear boundaries.

She is doing the push/pull, using you for validation. She doesn't want you. She wants you to want her - that's it.

[This message edited by plainpain at 9:12 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

Williesmom posted 7/9/2014 21:12 PM

Hello, Plan B.

Don't do it. That shit needs to be earned. She hasn't even earned a free milkshake coupon with her behavior.

Tickingtock posted 7/9/2014 21:13 PM

So in other words she misses what she had but hasn't changed AT ALL. She is still a cake-eater.

ladies_first posted 7/9/2014 21:18 PM

my head is fucking spinning like wtf is going on?

That. Listen to that inner wisdom!

Stop. Look. Listen.

LA44 posted 7/9/2014 21:20 PM

I am in agreement with plainpain and the others.

I used to pull this shit in highschool - I just wanted the ex to want me and then when he did, I was, "meh. not so much." I was 17. She's what? mid-30's?

Your ex is your ex for a very good reason. And in those 16 years you refer too you had multiple D-days. Not so peachy.

Don't do it, VG.

VG1976 posted 7/9/2014 21:23 PM

Thanks gang! That's why I come here.

Schadenfreude posted 7/9/2014 22:02 PM

And you don't know the back story of Happyland except that it didn't end too well. Was he on the verge of kicking her out? Who knows? That would explain her sudden change of heart., and I expect supporting herself is no walk in the park.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea from the other posters here. No remorse means no reconciliation.

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