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Been a long time since I've been on here, tried 4 years of bs reconciliation, moved again, and again, and not one thing with her changed. Called her on it and she flipped out full bpd episode; next day started argument and I threw it on her that she hasn't done shit in 4 years to get help or make changes. Next day she says I threw the past in her face she wants a divorce. Next day I brought her prefilled out paperwork and now she's pissed. Told her get over it and start looking for a place. On one hand I feel like I wasted four more years on the other hand I'm relieved. Maybe she's right, I must just be an asshole. And at this point, proud of it.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 11:05 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

I'm sorry.

You're not an asshole. Four years is a long time. You tried. it wasn't wasted time, it was time spent trying. Now you know.

Now she can deal with it.

Isn't it ironic that she said she wanted a D, so you provided the means for that to occur, and now she's pissed?

Yeah. You're in a no win situation dude.

Watch out for yourself and yourself, only. (unless you have kids...)

[This message edited by nekorb at 11:13 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]

Three kids 8,7,5 in this marriage two more from previous 16 and 11. I once was broken but now I'm fixed (neutered). And trust me I'm thinking about all of them every move I make every day. They're the only reason I haven't gone off the deep end and to prison with some of the shit she's pulled.

Maybe the kids will benefit from a stable home with you half the time.

I know the feeling. I wasted 4 years on R as well. Our daughter is 4 now and will be devastated. I should have ended it before she got used to the idea of mommy and daddy together.

(((hurtingandlost)))

H&L - I'm sure it feels like you wasted four years, but now you know YOU gave it your all and you don't need to carry any guilt about ending it. Lots of us that ended up the D route talk about the moment when you just know you are D-O-N-E. Time to work on you and protect yourself and the kids, as best you can. Get your legal ducks in a row and round up your support system.

And, go Packers and Badgers! (I'm also in WI)

You're not an asshole. You were giving your marriage a chance. It took me 2 years to muster the courage to file for D & there was never a chance to reconcile. XH was going on his 3rd or 4th live in girlfriend when he was served

Thanks for the support folks been a rough week. And yes, GO PACKER's!

Here's another! Born & raised in GB!
What is it with us Cheeseheads and giving our unremorseful WWs so much of our life? Closing in on 4 yrs after most recent DDay and I still give him benefit of doubt....tho that may finally be done as of yesterday.

You didn't waste 4 years. She did. don't direct that anger towards yourself, it's her fault.

She wasted the gift of R, she wasted 4 years, she and her lack of actions are hurting you and your children. It's all on her. Free yourself from self blame you did your best, and she didn't.