Why do I have to put work into it, when I didn't betray him?
This is the question we all ask. And, I don't know if there is any satisfying answer.
In my mind, I came to a "place" where I recognized that my WW had no ability to "heal" me. That, if I didn't want to live the rest of my life in pain, I had to do 2 things:
1) work on me, and put my own needs FIRST
2) get away from her
I wanted her to "work", I wanted her to be the one to "fix" it, I ruminated daily about "fair" - she screwed it up, she needs to fix it.....
but, I had to recognize that she had no interest in "fixing" our marriage, she only wanted the financial support and help around the house.
he took a part of me away. A part of me that I'll never get back....
I don't think that's true. I mean, yes, he took it away, but it will come back. Give yourself time.
I've turned into "that bitch".
I also turned into a raw bastard for a year. There was so much rage inside, it was almost impossible to control it.
But, gradually, that "part of me", that part which had compassion and empathy, started to again sit on the "throne" inside me. I was no longer raging, I was able to live and work and relate to people like before.
Making my decision to never again share companionship and intimacy with her was the pivotal moment. She was keeping my wound ripped open, every time I would get it bandaged, she would take off the gauze and throw salt in it.
I also hate him for making me turn into "that bitch."
He's working hard at fixing us
If the quotation marks mean that he is calling you "that bitch", then "working hard at fixing us" is a complete non sequitur.
And, this statement:
he cheated because ...he could do better
Indicates that his motives are not seriously aimed toward "fixing".
That's what I was to my WW. A "plan B", a "default".
[This message edited by tfkeel at 6:56 AM, July 10th (Thursday)]