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StillLivin posted 7/10/2014 01:24 AM

I'm not sure how I feel, rage, outrage, disgust. I want to punch my STBX so hard in the nads and then in the throat.
Oldest DSS (but I raised him when his mother abandoned him at 11 and 7 and I'm Mom to them) went to see his father for a couple of days. Uhgggg, I cannot fathom how he could bring that trash around my innocent baby. Ok ok, he's 23, but still. He is pure, she is a nasty f...ing whore!
I'm so disgusted with his love schmoopie lalala shit.
On a brighter note, DSS says that she isn't even in the same league and how COULD he be with THAT???? He said it with utter disgust and then stated he didn't want to even think about her no more.
This THIS made me want to break NC. F...ing asswhole!!!

SBB posted 7/10/2014 06:32 AM

I know it feels like a violation. Like everything else it will become normal in time. Not now though. I remember that seething rage - I still feel it sometimes but it isn't as intense as it was in the early days.

Be gentle with yourself but firm on NC. It is times like these when I found/find it the hardest. My 6 y/o asked me recently if I was still going to be her mum now that Whaura is her other mum. She was scared I might not be. Can you imagine? I wanted to weep and rip his face off all at the same time. As long as she isn't unkind to them I can suck it up.

Better the whore you know. I had hoped for better for them but it is what it is.

My girls are little but I don't expect that feeling that they are my babies will ever go away.

I'm sad for DS that in order to have a relationship with his dad he has to have Shrek around.

((SL))

sparkysable posted 7/10/2014 06:41 AM

Oh your SS has her number, don't you worry about that. He's disgusted, and he knows dad is a fool and living in fantasy land.

StillLivin posted 7/11/2014 13:55 PM

SBB, yes, exactly. It's a violation of my oldest son.
You know, I served for over 20 years. There were members of my squad, platoon, what have you that were dirty. Cheated, treated spouses bad, etc. We had to hang out at work, in the field, and during team building social events. Some were cool as all get out to hang out with, but I NEVER brought them around my family. I protected my family from the dirty ones.
He was the same way once. He kept the riffraff away from me and the kids. So I guess that was what was so shocking. Then again, he is delusional and thinks she is great, wonderful, and a devoutly virtuous Catholic, so he probably convinced himself she was "clean".
sparkysable, on the one hand I'm proud my kid can distinguish garbage. On the other hand, it hurt my heart to know that he no longer has his hero to worship. I really didn't want them to know about the A. I felt like if I had told them they would lose a part of their childhood. That hero worship for a great dad. I begged that stupid fucker not to tell them about the A. But he insisted on "making it right". Shame he wasn't man enough to follow through with the making it right part and went back to her ego kibbles.
His fucked up grand jesture of making amends hurt them more than he will ever admit.
And now one has met her and he has had an abysmal fall further from grace.
Uhgggg just uhgggg.
It is what it is I guess. Hurts when you can't protect your babies anymore from truth and life.
OH, and SBB, I didn't break contact, but I really REALLY wanted to. He better not show his face for a while or he might still get kicked in the nads and throat punched.

nekorb posted 7/11/2014 14:07 PM

I'm sorry. I hope I don't ever have to live through that, but I won't be surprised if I do.

I'm glad the kids know about the A. They will still love their dad, and will love him for *who he really is*, not some made up fantasy of who they think he is.

They are learning to love unconditionally. Something CAT is uncapable of.

Hopefully DSS will keep his distance from shrek on his own.

SBB posted 7/11/2014 14:58 PM

He better not show his face for a while or he might still get kicked in the nads and throat punched.

OK but just a little one....

Wait. I'm joking! Stomp him until be is a stain on the carpet IN YOUR MIND. Have his picture up at target practice.

I used to scrub the bathroom like I was scrubbing his face off. I loved having a sparkling clean home during the rage cleaning phase.

newlysingle posted 7/11/2014 15:05 PM

You know you'll always be mom to him. He sees right through Shrek.

StillLivin posted 7/11/2014 15:48 PM

Awww thank you guys so much for the support. And nekorb I too hope you don't see that day. It sucks. On a much brighter note my D is final, I have the papers to prove it, and I'm headed to Vegas on WEDNESDAY!!!!"

dmari posted 7/11/2014 16:25 PM

I agree with newlysingle ~ you will always be "mom".

OTOH ~ YOUR D IS FINAL AND YOUR GOING TO VEGAS!! That's fricken awesome!! Yahooo!!