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I'm quietly going nuts

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nomoreblueskies posted 7/10/2014 06:48 AM

I had a hysterectomy a couple of weeks ago. It was a full abdominal surgery due to previous history so it will take a good couple of months for me to recover. Loving Husband wasn't around. There was a convoluted story about taking time off during the World Cup, possibly attending a conference in Miami, possibly visiting his brother in the US. The upshot is that neither the kids nor I know exactly where he was. He left on the Saturday before my surgery and returned yesterday.

He phoned the hospital on the day of the operation, said he was my husband and asked how I was. The nurses gave him details of the surgery, told him I was in recovery and doing as well as could be expected. The next day he phoned again and was told that I was doing well and sitting in a chair. His response? "She's good at sitting in chairs".
At that point, the nurses came to ask me if there was something they were missing. When I explained that we had been separated since September and that at that point in time I wasn't even sure exactly where he was, they decided that no further information would be given.
Since then I have received a text stating that he was glad I was home and hoped I made a complete recovery, which I didn't reply to. A few days later I received an email looking for a long list of business information. I replied saying that I wasn't in a position to answer and have heard nothing else. He returned yesterday and hasn't been in touch. The only reason I know he is home is because he asked one of the kids to collect him from the airport.
I just want to say FUCK OFF, DICK!! I am not your possession. I do not belong to you. You do not have the right to pretend to be my husband any more. You should not be showing our sons that it is acceptable to "show how nice you are" by phoning strangers rather than actually taking care of people. I am fed up of my family making excuses for you, saying that I'm maybe just misunderstanding your intentions. My parents, God love them, dropped EVERYTHING to come and take care of YOUR sons, YOUR family. While you were fannying around doing God knows what in the sunshine.
I've had YEARS of being made to feel that I don't matter. That other people are more important than me. That it was OK to hurt my feelings to save those of others.
Wrong. So wrong.
But anyway here I am. Can't do anything to work off the frustration, and on a shit load of drugs which have resulted in the weirdest nightmares I've had to date. (Pinning him down and rubbing a raw steak in his face ....? Really? How does your brain even come up with that???)
This is just a rant really. But if anyone can come up with a theory to explain his behaviour, I'd be very grateful. How can someone who used to be so normal be so off the wall now? Or IS it me over reacting?

tfkeel posted 7/10/2014 07:07 AM

I've had YEARS of being made to feel that I don't matter.

used to be so normal

Either statement 1, or statement 2, is true. Both statements cannot be true.

I'm not a gambler, nor the son of a gambler, but if I were, I would put my money on statement 1 being true.

I just want to say FUCK OFF, DICK!! I am not your possession. I do not belong to you. You do not have the right to pretend to be my husband any more.

So, what's stopping you?

Sounds like, to me, this is exactly what should be said.

IS it me over reacting?

Actually, your body is "reacting" for you, now.
You have spent years "under-reacting", swallowing his feces.

I'm also not a doctor, nor the son of a doctor. But if I could play one here for a few minutes, I would tell you that if you go ahead and say what you need to say, and lose this turkey out of your life, your physical condition will remarkably improve, and that shit load of drugs will go away.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 7:13 AM, July 10th (Thursday)]

Pass posted 7/10/2014 10:04 AM

But if anyone can come up with a theory to explain his behaviour, I'd be very grateful. How can someone who used to be so normal be so off the wall now? Or IS it me over reacting?

I'm afraid the answer is quite simple, but quite difficult for us to understand: He is a lying, cheating, selfish, arsehole. He may have always been that way, but was just hiding it well, or it may have been a mid-life thing that made him decide he DESERVES this wonderful brand new life, and you should just take on all the responsibility.

You are most definitely NOT over-reacting. All those things you want to say to him are totally true.

Please take care of yourself.

nowiknow23 posted 7/10/2014 10:49 AM

((((nomoreblueskies)))) You are not over-reacting. He's a selfish ass. Period.

nomoreblueskies posted 7/10/2014 11:04 AM

Thanks, people. That helps

I'm not Noah, nor the daughter of Noah, but I suppose if it walks like an ass and acts like an ass then there's no point in trying to pair it up with a human.

Six weeks until I can start back at boxercise!...

nowiknow23 posted 7/10/2014 11:28 AM

I'm not Noah, nor the daughter of Noah, but I suppose if it walks like an ass and acts like an ass then there's no point in trying to pair it up with a human.

Quote thread!

Hang in there, honey. Sending you healing thoughts.

nomoreblueskies posted 7/10/2014 11:34 AM

*doing a very slow and really quite painful lap of honour for making it to the quote thread*

Thank you, NIK x

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