I think a bit of paranoia sets in for all of us when we become the BS, so there may be less there then you believe.
That said, she's your daughter, so sit down with her and have a frank discussion. You have the right to be heard and to be respected.
A daughter taking sides with her SD seems a bit odd.
((Anne56))
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min
When the shit hit the fan, I kept everything from DS who was 20 at the time. He was so confused; he went to his aunt (WXH's sister) and she gently advised that we tell him what was happening. However, the X got to him first and said he & the OW were just friends, mom was jealous, blah-blah-blah.
I had to sit DS down and explain about the thousands of dollars that his father was spending on viagra for his 'friend'. That was a pleasant conversation to have with your son
He caught on quickly. I think your DD may too.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62 Him: WXH-62 D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI) S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
You need to sit her down and tell her the whole story BUT....this is not a competition, try and stick to the facts and nothing else. And try and make it about her, not about you (to avoid it feeling like she's being pulled apart by both of you)
eg,
- I know that you love SD and that you love me. I understand that this is an awful situation for you and for all of us. This is not something I ever wanted. I have not told you what I discovered and I'm sorry for that because I see now that you needed to understand what has been happening. I'm going to share some of that with you now. This is difficult to talk about, so bear with me.
- On [date] I discovered [information]. I confronted him about it and he said [blah blah]. I have since discovered [information] and now know that the affair with OW went on for [period of time] and was physical.
- He did want to reconcile, but has not shown any remorse in his actions towards me and I have been warned by other people that this is not the first time he has been unfaithful. Regardless of whether of not SD wants to reconcile, that decision is up to me and I have decided [course of action]
Now obviously your conversation won't be that cut and dried, but you see what I mean? Try and frame it from her point of view, just using facts, because too much from you could seem like manipulation, especially if she's already been primed by him.
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
