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Maybe R isn't really for me.

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Support1107 posted 7/10/2014 11:19 AM

I've really been reflecting upon everything and I've realized that I have been lonely in this marriage for a very long time. There was no need for me to do the 180 because I realized that I did that way before my D-day ever happened due to my WH's lack of communication skills. Since he was on prescription meds since 2009, he just further retreated while I moved on with things.

I spoke to an attorney on my 20th wedding anniversary about divorce specifics. This was unintentional and I didn't even realize it at the time. After I thought about it, I had not really put forth the effort to save my marriage so I decided to give it one more chance then I found out about the cheating and he entered rehab.

There has been a lot of physical and mental damage from his drug use, it's hard to say which drug caused what. He now has low T which causes fatigue and depression. He sees the doctor for this but has now decided that he should only see the IC once a month!!! Once a month??? WTF! This really pisses me off. I feel like I'm competing with the television for his attention every night and I realized that this was how it was even BEFORE prescription meds.

I don't know what to do at this point, I gave myself a long timeline for this but I don't know if I can do this much longer. If he doesn't get real, I think I just need to let go. I know grass isn't always greener on the other side but I've already been alone for many years and I'm ready to have a relationship again.

Does this sound terrible? Am I being selfish? I'm just so tired and to be honest if you asked me today, I'm not even angry anymore I'm just tired of my life being in limbo. Lol I guess this could change tomorrow but this is how I've felt for the last week.

Mama3030 posted 7/10/2014 12:13 PM

You don't sound selfish, you sound like you are ready to have a life again.

I don't have advice because I am not yet one to give it in this situation but I do think everyone deserves to be happy. (((hugs)))

Rebreather posted 7/10/2014 12:21 PM

There is no reason to live in misery. You'd done your part, and what's he done? Lessen his IC time and spends his days in front of the TV. How's that make for an effective marriage, let along recover from the nightmare that is infidelity.

You are under no obligation to continue to live this way. I'd lay it out very clearly for him; time to step up, or step out.

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