SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

BrokenDoe posted 7/10/2014 17:27 PM

I found out last week. I got up in the night to pee as I am 34 weeks pregnant. My husband was on his phone and said he was on porn I asked to see the phone. I found a message from his ex he tried to delete. He said they had been exchanging messages. He then told me he had had oral twice with a women on Craigslist. (He would have done anal with her but couldn't get it up) I contacted the ex and she told me what he said. The next day he came cleaner and told me he has started in April by sending dirty pictures and messages with one of my friends when her husband cheated on her. And last confession was he also preformed oral with a women I worked awhile ago with twice.

I am feeling such unbelievable betrayal right now. It seems like everyone I know hurt me. I cannot believe my husband would ever do this to me and at 34 weeks pregnant. Everything started when I became very ill with this pregnancy and the in person stuff did not start till I went off work sick.

Now I have my toddler and this baby that is on his way soon and I have no idea what I am going to do. I have been with my husband for ten years and we tried very hard to have these kids. Now I feel like I cannot even deal with this baby coming.

I have talked to the two women he sexted with and the two women he cheated with. But I still cannot wrap my head around this. I have seen a counsellor and we are going to one together as well.

But I have no idea what I am going to do. If I wasn't so far along I probably would have thrown him out already or maybe I wouldn't have. I don't know. I am so confused and hurt and I am so scared to have to do this all on my own now.

healingroad posted 7/10/2014 17:37 PM

Oh no, I'm so so sorry to hear this. Many good people will be here soon to wish you the best, offer their support, and give you some very good advice.

For now, breathe, rest, eat, and know that your needs and the needs of your children are the only things that matter.

Hang in there.

Daisy312 posted 7/10/2014 17:56 PM

((broken doe)) I found out 10 days before delivering my second dd, and it was awful! I had a horrible delivery, and a tough recovery. Looking back idk how i survived. I wished i would die every day for many days but held it together for my 3 yr old dd. My only advice to you is take are of yourself, don't worry so much about your relationship right now. Make sure you eat, sleep, talk to you dr about std testing, and try and get into ic if you can. You are going to need all of the support you can get. Arrange for some help after delivery if you can too. Right now you will be in survival mode. If you need a friend feel free to pm me. We are here for you.

BrokenDoe posted 7/10/2014 18:05 PM

I am seeing a counsellor of my own and I already went in and got tested for STDS rigt away. Test all came back negative today. He cannot get into his doctor till the 14 th so will have to wait and see if he is carrying anything. Not that it matters.

steppingup posted 7/10/2014 18:06 PM

Broken Doe (HUGS TO YOU).

How completely unacceptable, you are hurting and dont deserve any of this nonsense. You should be cherished and loved and protected ALWAYS.

Take good, VERY GOOD care of yourself. Your children need you, need your safety and need to know there is a solid parent protecting them even if your WH has lost his mind in filth and lust.

Give yourself plenty of time to decide what to do, but for my 2 cents if he does not go to a therapist of your choosing with full disclosure about what the progess is (if any), deal breaker.

Sending power and strenght to you via the web...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BrokenDoe posted 7/10/2014 18:21 PM

Thanks. Yes he has gone to pastor, he set up a couples counsellor for the two of us and has reached out to some other support services. We have been once going again Monday.

But I don't know that it is enough. I just feel so lost.

My DD(3) has been picking up on my anger and instead of wanting WS to sing daddy's girl at night she made him change the words to Mommys girl. And that just kills me. I have tried not to be upset infront of her but it's very hard.

I just cannot belive this is happening. I just want to throw something at him or yell and scream but I cannot.

When will it be easier to breath? Or to just not cry?

DepressedDaddy posted 7/10/2014 18:24 PM

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. We are all part of the best club no one ever wants to join. We are here for you. Being cheated on is one of the worst things that could ever happen. You didn't deserve any of this.

Take care of yourself and your child (and one on the way). You are worth so much! Please use us to vent, connect or learn. We can be anything you need us to be.

Take care - sending thoughts your way.

BlueBlueEyes posted 7/10/2014 19:03 PM

In reading through this, I am so utterly thankful for the people here. I hope you realize that you aren't alone. Please keep reading. I've cried 5 or more times a day for over a month. The reading material and honest caring people here are working miracles for my self esteem and trust. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It is a pain you couldn't understand unless you've experienced it. I'm sending hugs your way. Please take care of you first and foremost. He really has a lot of thinking to do and he created this problem. It's his job to fix it.

ChangeMaker posted 7/10/2014 20:12 PM

Oh, BrokenDoe, hang in there.

You can make it through this. You must dig deep and find your strength. Try not to focus on him or what you're going to do. Focus on YOU and your children.

This place has given me the reality checks, face slaps, resolve, courage and knowledge I need to get me through this. Read all the information here you can, especially in the Healing Library in the yellow box at the top left.

You are not alone.

Tigaress posted 7/10/2014 20:32 PM

Hi BrokenDoe - so sorry you're going through this. I understand what you feel, my husband started cheating on me when I was pregnant. And it was also a very hard pregnancy. You're in week 34 and you still have a few weeks to go. The most important thing is really that you focus on yourself, your baby and your daughter. When I found out I kicked my husband out and my mother moved in temporarily to help out. Can you bring in somebody to help you? I think for the next month, he should be working hard, going to therapy etc. but you should be taking it super easy. You don't want to risk going into early labor because of your husbands behavior and the stress it causes for you. I talked to a friend of mine who never could have children and one thing she said was 'children are the most important thing in the world. Husbands come and go' :-) I know it's super hard, I'm there with you. But he is currently absolutely not important, it's all about you and your babies. Big hugs!!

nekorb posted 7/10/2014 21:01 PM

(((BrokenDoe)))

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine.

First - don't worry about your relationship right now - as much as possible anyway - this probably isn't the time to be making big permanent decisions.

Take care of yourself and your daughter, get ready for that new baby that will be such a blessing, and let your WH get his shit figured out.

It WILL get better. Not for awhile, but it will. Make sure you share with your OB what is going on - it's important they know these things, for various reasons.

cmego posted 7/10/2014 21:45 PM

Uggg.

I was 17 weeks pregnant with my 2nd when I found some "inappropriate" emails. I remember clearly stuffing the thoughts down so I could just survive the pregnancy.

Just get through the next few weeks. You don't have to make any decision right now. Get the baby here, get through the first few weeks....THEN think about everything.

Do you have family that can help??

BrokenDoe posted 7/10/2014 22:00 PM

We don't really have family close by and clearly my friend is not going to be helping me

How do people get though this. Is there anyone that is happy again after?

cmego posted 7/10/2014 22:09 PM

Truly, at this point...just focus on your children. You want to get the baby here as healthy as possible.

Tell your doctor and see if you can get into a counselor. You need support.

Tell someone in your family so they can come and help you. You'll need to eat, and sleep and rest.

Don't worry about your H right now. Just don't. There is plenty of time to figure out the rest.

BrokenDoe posted 7/11/2014 14:01 PM

Does anyone have a suggestion for how I can stop picturing the things he did everytime I close my eyes I can see him doing it. And I am having trouble sleeping. I fainted at walmart today getting groceries with my DD. So I know I need more sleep I just cannot seem to get it outta my head and cannot take sleep pills cause I am pregnant. Thanks.

Came home and tried to sleep but just had more images run through my mind. He called after dinner to voice chat our DD and I ended up crying, then my little one told me she was mad at me for crying and not wanting to talk to Daddy.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 6:42 PM, July 11th (Friday)]

Tigaress posted 7/11/2014 20:45 PM

Dear BrokenDoe you really need to allow yourself to get some help. You're going through so rough times and you're trying to do it all by yourself, my heart goes out to you! You said that there is no family nearby but can family come over from a further away? Being eight months pregnant is a perfect reason for this, even without a cheating husband. Also, there might be people around you who you don't yet consider close friends but you would surprised how amazing and helpful they would be if you draw them into confidence. Anyone who you'd be willing to try this with? Is your counselor helpful? As far as I know, all larger hospitals have social workers so if you'd like somebody else to talk to and give you some in-person emotional support you could reach out to the social work department at the hospital where you're planing to give birth. Of course you can't take any medication but maybe it would help to distract you a bit to watch some movies that you haven't had the time to see or do some crafts (with your daughter) or anything to keep yourself busy? Maybe get on the phone or on Skype with friends and family etc. Hang in there, it's getting better!!! A big hug!

BrokenDoe posted 7/12/2014 11:28 AM

Ok so today the women that he had started the dirty text messages with won't stop textin and calling me. She wants to say sorry and wants to be my friend again. WTF? She has sent about 20 texts and called numerous times today. She sent a detail account of there text conversations and everything. WTF.

Tigress- yes I am seeing counsellor and have a social worker threw my doctors office I have talked to the whole pregnancy. As I have been under observation watching for stressors or triggers that my indicate a higher likeliy hood of me having PPP again after this baby. As I have being refusing to take any anti psychotics untill it is confirmed I have PPP again as I do not want to put this baby at undue risk. I am afraid that the hospitial will see this situation as a reason to medicate me now am I really don't want that.

No my family cannot come right now to help as they are out of the country at this time. I have reached out to some friends but most do not want to get involved as just want me to work on things.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 11:32 AM, July 12th (Saturday)]

Guinness23 posted 7/12/2014 12:18 PM

34 weeks pregnant

we tried very hard to have these kids

said he was on porn

oral twice with a women on Craigslist. (He would have done anal with her but couldn't get it up)

started in April by sending dirty pictures and messages with one of my friends when her husband cheated on her. And last confession was he also preformed oral with a women I worked awhile ago with twice.

WHAT. IN. THE. BLOODY. HELL. IS. WRONG. WITH. PEOPLE. TODAY?????

Are the marriage vows an absolute freaking JOKE???

BrokenDoe- my heart goes out to you honey!! HUGE hugs and mojo coming your way.

Raspberry posted 7/12/2014 20:21 PM

I hate this for you. Please take care of yourself. When I found out about my husbands renedezvous with whores on backpage (another craigslist) I was so upset, I had a massive bleed two weeks after and had my baby at 34 weeks. He had to stay in the nicu for 10 days.

Huge hugs.....:( be careful, please.

BrokenDoe posted 7/14/2014 16:17 PM

Little bit of good news today. STI test for me all came back negative and baby appears big and healthy by ultrasound. I would not take WS with me to the appointment, I just felt it was too personal. I am also 1 cm dilated today so I need to figure out if I should let WS be there for birth or not. I am struggling because it is such and emotional and special time and you really need to trust someone to have them n the room during that. Anyone have any thoughts?