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Divorce/Separation :
Is this normal? Mortgage questions during D

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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 2:25 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

So - I'm still waiting to hear from the L, but my anxiety level is a bit high at the moment, so I wanted to get some input from the SI expert panel.

WH is working on buying a house. There has been lots of talk about me needing to sign away dower rights. No problem there. However, today my L emailed me the paperwork to look over at the end of the day. When I looked at it - I'm listed as a borrower on the mortgage. Is this a normal part of the whole buying a house during D thing?

Trying not to get my feathers ruffled about WH possible trying to pull a fast one on me.

Anyone have any thoughts?

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868059
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Kajem ( member #36134) posted at 2:41 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

In my state:

You would need to sign an affidavit that you were aware he is purchasing property in his name only. You would also not be on his mortgage.

I'm thinking that he checked married on the application and he was prompted to add your name.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE ON HIS MORTGAGE FOR HIS NEW PLACE!!!!! I can't stress that loud enough.

Hugs,

K

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - UnknownRelationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

posts: 6708   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2012   ·   location: Florida
id 6868084
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GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 2:43 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Don't sign!!!

He's putting you on the mortgage for HIS house.

DONT DO IT!!!!

Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

posts: 10094   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2009   ·   location: Here and There
id 6868088
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 2:44 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Thanks K and Gaby - My L sent it over to me and only said, "advise.".

I think he wants to make sure I didn't know my name was on there before he rips WH's atty a new one. (He's only been retained for a week! Already sick of my WH, I think....he's trying to play catch up with everything that has happened.) Especially since they have dragged their feet getting us the papers and now this shit is in there!

I think....idk....

[This message edited by nekorb at 8:44 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868089
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peridot ( member #18334) posted at 3:54 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

My L sent it over to me and only said, "advise.".

My attorney would do this sometimes. It was usually because something didn't sound right to him. I would just let your attorney know this was not something you knew about and you aren't agreeing to it. Don't sign!

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

posts: 4941   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2008
id 6868154
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 4:03 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

:::sigh:::

I'm beginning to anticipate the shitstorm that will ensue if I don't sign the papers tomorrow night.

WH is supposed to close next week and I won't be available to sign if they don't get it together tomorrow.

Trying not to let my mind get away from me. Not being successful.

[This message edited by nekorb at 10:14 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868162
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NoMorDeceit ( member #23547) posted at 4:39 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

I'm sorry. Do not sign anything. Why would he attempt to buy a house with you on the mortgage?? WTH? Something doesn't smell right with that, he knew you'd find out, he knew you'd pull the plug on it and now he can cry he has no where to go. You need to be sure your atty is on this like yesterday.

FBS
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled for 8 years. Decided I deserved better than someone who had ever cheated on me. R failed 2/2017. Happy and free. :)



posts: 1003   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2009
id 6868179
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Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 4:47 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

oh HELL to the NO!!!

Refuse to sign ANYTHING until you and your L go thru the paperwork line by line. You do not under any circumstance need to be or should be a borrower on his new home. Too bad if he gets upset, he should have 1) kept his dick in his pants and 2) paid better attention to the whole "buying a home" business so that you were NOT listed as a borrower. Period. This is ALL on him. NOT YOUR FAULT.

If he decides to throw a fit, walk away or hang up or whatever. You don't have to take his abuse any longer -- he fired you from that job.

((hugs))

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

posts: 17695   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2006   ·   location: A better place :)
id 6868182
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peridot ( member #18334) posted at 5:07 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

No No No No No No No!!!!!

You do not sign that!

As matter of a fact, I would call the mortgage company and tell them, you are not signing anything and you have not agreed to be a borrower on the loan.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

posts: 4941   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2008
id 6868196
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 5:10 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

To reiterate what everyone else has said, FUCKING HELL NO!

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 6868200
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 5:21 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

I'm starting to feel like y'all are saying this is not normal. I thought maybe it had something to do with us still being married?

I will say there are a shitload of other papers in there to sign as well....there is supposed to be a dower agreement, but that's missing....I thought all I was signing was the dower...not all this other stuff!

The other thing that is "off" to me is that it says the property is being purchased as an investment property, not to be used as a primary residence. Wtf?

Apparently, my L is choosing not to work 24/7, so I will have to wait until tomorrow to hear from him.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868210
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peridot ( member #18334) posted at 5:27 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Technically, he should not be buying anything until you are divorced. Nothing is supposed to change until the divorce is over. I would suggest freezing any other assets and don't forget about the retirement plans because he will drain those.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

posts: 4941   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2008
id 6868214
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 5:32 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Peridot brings up a good point. Where is he getting the down payment from? Marital assets???? Any use of marital assets during a divorce should be questioned and/or stopped by your attorney unless it is being legally offset in some way in your settlement.

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 6868218
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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 5:34 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

So he wants the benefit of the marriage without the marriage? I don't think so...

You don't need to exit the marriage any additional responsibility. What an ass!!!

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6868222
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 5:54 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Peridot brings up a good point. Where is he getting the down payment from? Marital assets???? Any use of marital assets during a divorce should be questioned and/or stopped by your attorney unless it is being legally offset in some way in your settlement.

Yes, it's coming out of a joint account but is being accounted for.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868233
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peridot ( member #18334) posted at 6:33 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

I hope you are taking an equal amount of whatever he is taking out of the account and putting it in another account in just your name.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

posts: 4941   ·   registered: Feb. 23rd, 2008
id 6868250
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momentintime ( member #16394) posted at 7:12 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

If he put you on the mortgage papers, is your name on the deed? If not, he is having you take half the financial responsibility, while leaving you off getting any money if he sells. WTH! If you are divorcing you don't want to be tied financially to anything WITH HIM!

Do NOT sign anything. He is the one on a deadline, NOT you. Don't be rushed or pushed to do something without conferring with your lawyer.

BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl

posts: 3163   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2007   ·   location: New York
id 6868272
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monarchwings ( member #39891) posted at 11:28 AM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

I see two significant issues here. IF he is only a week away from closing, he would have had to sign your name and had your credit run to.prequalify for the loan. Also, an investment property requires a 20% downpayment vs a 5% down owner occupied loan. That is equity you are putting in from marital assets. Third, if you are on the loan you are on the deed. No mortgage company is going to list you responsible for the loan but not the deed, not these days. They are scrutinizing everything. If he throws a fit, its because he got caught trying to slide things by. If would be cheaper to by owner occupied, less down less interest. Just say you are divorcing, not growing a business.

posts: 213   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2013
id 6868336
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 12:23 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

If he throws a fit, its because he got caught trying to slide things by.

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. WH trying to slide things by. It's his MO!!

Something just seems off here. I was hoping I just didn't know about the weirdness of buying a house during divorce/dissolution.

My atty has court today, so no clue when I'm going to hear from him at the moment.

I'm feeling like I'm going to have to make that neurotic phone call to his office even though I know he isn't going to be there.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868358
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 nekorb (original poster member #40306) posted at 12:45 PM on Friday, July 11th, 2014

Does the non-applicant affidavit make the situation seem any better? There is one of those in there.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6868367
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