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Newest Member: After33years (61815)

User Topic: Frustrated
♀ 43292
Member # 43292
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I checked WH's email. There was a notification that he had switched his Apple ID password 5 hours earlier. I called him immediately and asked about it. Said he was trying to find his phone using the iPad but couldn't remember the password. He meant to call me but was distracted by the little one. I can understand that. But this is the 3rd time he's switched a password and neglected to tell me. The 3rd time. I know he's sorry and it was an honest mistake but I feel like changing a password should be an instant phone call or text to me letting me know. I thought he understood after the first 2 times. We are on a good path and today was actually a great day until this. I know this is just a minor bump in our road, but I am just so frustrated by it.

Me 42 BS
Him 42 FWS
DDay #1 11/28/13 - 7 months EA/a little PA with my supposed friend.
DDAy #2 8/25/14 - oops - did I forget to mention that it was a 15 month PA/EA? He thought the first version would hurt me less.
Things are improving daily!

Posts: 310 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 42607
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They just don't see it to be as important as we do. No matter how many times that they are told, they want to minimalize it. R is a gift that you give them, they want to receive this gift and then pretend that everything is ok. It's easy for them, thay haven't been cheated on.
As long as you allow it, it will continue. That's how his mind works. It's how he breaks you down until you just give up and stop checking.
The cost has to be dear enough to make him sit up and take notice. The question is only how important is this to you. The ball is in your court.
What you are really asking for, I suspect, is respect. For me, it was really not about the passwords, it was the disrespect that he showed when he didn't keep his end of our bargain that he had agreed to. You have given this HUGE thing of R, and he values it so little that he can't do his part. Demand the respect that you deserve and be willing to fight for it if need be.

Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 960 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: big blue nation
♀ 42654
Member # 42654
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time for a serious sit down with him. That's just not good enough. He put you in the position of needing the security of having full access. He needs to man up and follow through with your requirements. He's lucky to have the wife that comes with those requirements!

The circumstances that required him to change his password may be on the up and up but he needs to be more responsible with your feelings and your healing process. Once you explain it a time or two ignorance or lack of time is not a valid excuse.
The fear is that if you give an inch he may eventually take the mile.

H: 50
Dday #1 Oct 2007 (Porn for 2 yrs)
Dday #2 May 2013 (Porn for 5 more yrs))
Dday#3 May 2014 (finally admitted to drunk kissing OW in 1994: the 2nd drunken kiss with another woman during our M)
DD 22 and DS 18
Married 1993

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 3

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