This is perhaps more relevant to "Just Found Out" or "General," but we are in R, so I am posting here. It is almost 3.5 years since I found out about his A, and about 4 years since it began, so I thought I was "past" this, but... I was just struck by a huge sense of sadness and anger and regret and a literal sense of being confounded about why he could have done what he did. Our younger child (with whom I was pregnant during his affair) is now the age our older child was during his affair, so what had laid more dormant is triggered more frequently for me, I find. I haven't actually logged into this site in probably about two years. But today, I need to.
We continue to work on our relationship,ourselves, and with our counselor, and all the challenges that come with parenting two young( ish) children while both working in full-time careers. A lot of the time we are doing well. He is committed again to our marriage. Me, too. Yet, I just broke down in tears for the first time in a long time, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think I'm just sad that our marriage and family (and my mind) are tainted by the affair. Usually I take the outlook of "look what we were able to build together" approach, but tonight I feel sabotaged by the "why does this have to be part of our relationship?" feeling.
I so wish he hadn't chosen to have an affair. I'm not looking for anything in particular with this post, I just needed to get my thought out there.