It had now been one month since I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman he met at work.
My story:
I dated my husband since I was 15 years old. We were typical high school sweethearts, graduated together and were best friends. My husband works pipeline and since the age of 18 would work different jobs throughout our province. He was used to the constant change and we grew closer being away from one another at times. After 10 years of dating we finally got married last year.
This year marks our first anniversary. Even on our wedding day we had those initial first love feelings and it still felt "new" after all those years. My husband would drive home in the middle of the night from work just to see me for a day or two.
After we got married last year we right away starting to try for a baby. I had my career as a nurse and we bought a house the year prior and now that we were married I felt ready to start our family. One change for him was a new job close to home where he could be home every night. He works two weeks on and one off. Something we both seemed happy about because he has never really worked close to home ever. A month into our marriage I found out I was pregnant already. My husband seemed so excited he wanted to tell everyone right away. (This was just this past July). For the first few months I was nervous about being intimate out of fear and my husband seemed nervous as well. Once October came around my body felt better and we were intimate again more often (but still not as much as usual).
Throughout the rest of my pregnancy and even after our daughter was born my husband seemed to be closing himself off of me and his family. He wouldn't want to do the simple things we enjoyed anymore or barely talk about how I was feeling. December was the last time we were intimate on a Trip that we went to in Mexico. Looking back now that's when I notched the big changes in him. In January the fights started here and there mostly about why my husband wouldn't want to do the things we enjoyed together anymore, then we started to fight about sex. I would tell him my body feels good and even though I was pregnant I felt ok. I would cry sometimes often to try and get a response from him because I felt like we weren't close on an emotional level or an intimate level. He would usually brush me off and say "we will" do more things together I promise. Emotionally I felt disconnected because he used to really sit and listen to how I was feeling and at this time he didn't seem as interested. In February I was really getting concerned because on his weeks off we usually did chores and nothing that brought us together. I would cry and be upset and we were still not intimate since December. We tried once and he couldn't get it up.
I attributed my feelings to the pregnancy and convinced myself and even him that it was weird having sex while I was very pregnant. I kept thinking too my husband was ill or something was wrong because on every week off he would be "sick" and he was actually losing weight (likely from guilt my guess).
Another month rolled by and we fought a few more times which never seemed to resolve itself even when I would ask why we didn't do things or hang out with his family much. He had me basically convinced that our business wasn't his families and that we could do what we wNt and not to worry about them.
In march our daughter was born and for the first two months I didn't really even think of sex or focus on "us" much because the baby was my mAin focus and priority. Into her third month I felt ready again to have sex and to try and mKe time for us. I would ask why he didn't so nice things for me anymore and it ended up being a fight. He would say he does everything I ask (which he would but these being typical household chores). I would explain that I needed him to listen to me because I didn't feel like myself Nd I wanted to feel close to him and do things we used to enjoy. He would always seem to have an excuse. "The baby takes up a lot of time" or he would say he needed to do things for himself and every week off he would have. "Poker night" with his "work friends". I believed him.
Finally last month I felt so emotionally detached and we still weren't intimate. At one point I remember him saying directly when I suggested sex that he "couldn't". I kept trying to be supportive and asking him if he was stressed or if it was work or if he was ill. He was constantly in the bathroom too so I thought I justified a reason fir him to be sick. Finally this June 12 I found a watch that connects to his phone with multiple messages from a woman professing her love to my husband. I called him at work scared and afraid thinking this couldn't be true. He said yes he was cheating on me and that he started having sex with the woman about twice a week in January.
He said he met her 9 months ago. So probably two months after I found out we were expecting. I freaked on him on the phone and I took our child to my parents. He had come home, called me and said he was moving to a friends, packed his bags, left and said "our marriage is over, I fell out of love with you, we need a divorce." He said he wanted certain items in the house and that I couldn't keep our child from him. My husband also became very materialistic during his affair And would spend money constantly.
I was so hurt and betrayed and I am still in complete shock. How could he do this to me throughout my pregnancy?
He had me completely fooled because he would buy me gifts for our anniversary and when our daughter was born, he would continue to let my father work on our unfinished basement and I spent so much money on new furniture for our house during that time to make our house more a home. He said that he met the OW at work and she's a trailer cleaner working to pay off her schooling as a massage therapist. I'm so lost and have so many questions.
-why did this happen? Was it anxiety due to the baby that freaked him out? Was I not paying enough attention to him? Was it because he was seeing me every night now?
-did he not have sex with me to protect me while he was having sex with her! Or was it so he didn't feel as though he was cheating on the OW?
-my husbands family has made it clear this woman is never welcome around and that nobody wants her around our child. I got into his banking info and noticed that his first pack of cigarettes was bought right when I found out we we're expecting.when the affair started his money spending blew up and he starting smoking very very regularly and still is. He is still with the woman despite his family negative responses. Can this relationship last long if she is not welcome? Or if no one wants her around our child? How long can the fog last now?
I irrationally put our house up for sale and I am worried that there might be hope of saving our marriage. I have had no contact with my husband except a letter to him saying how is was feeling and that I may need legal advice Nd that I was not ready for a divorce and I still love him. Is there hope for our marriage? When his mother gave him the letter she said he finally showed some emotion and actually puked. He seemed to have no remorse, or guilt and almost still doesn't from what I hear. Is this normal?
I'm scared he is too emotionally invested because on his account there was jewelry bought which was not for me.
Everyone has told him that he can't expect this to last.
What do I do?
I'm afraid to wait now and see what happens....how do I move on? Should I seek legal advice yet?
I am terrified of the unknown. I have only ever known him! He was my soul mate or so I thought. Please help!