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Newest Member: Hurt1997 (61143)

User Topic: Hope I'm not making a mistake
♀ 43399
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I'm new to the R forum. My D-day was just 2 days ago when I busted WH with a keylogger soliciting men for oral sex.

This is not the first D-day that I've had but it is the first one where I didn't "rugsweep". I called a divorce attorney and planned on meeting with them today but have since cancelled.

My WH and I went to an emergency MC session yesterday, our first one ever. He agreed to all of the terms counselor and I set for him. No internet until after the boys go to bed and I must be with him, no shopping on his own, no giving rides to co-workers, and NO porn.

I do think WH is remorseful. He's no longer claiming that it wasn't cheating and blaming it on me. He blames himself and does believe he has an addiction and is hoping the MC will help him. Hopefully we truly R this time.

3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 155 | Registered: May 2014
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

great that he's on board with MC. now he's going to have to back up those words with actions.

while MC will (hopefully) help, he needs to really get to the root of his behavior. A qualified IC can help him with this. this is, imo, key to him really changing. you can't heal a M unless you have two healthy people working at it.

I hope this is the start of some real healing for the two of you.

[This message edited by unfound at 11:55 AM, July 11th (Friday)]

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think canceling the attorney is a mistake.

Your husband has some serious issues, and agreeing to these boundaries is a good step, but only one of many in a long, long battle.

You have a series of knock out blows and that can be hard to handle. Are you in IC? I would consider, very seriously, working the 180 for awhile. This isn't about your marriage. This is about YOU and what you need to live a happy life, and about HIM and what he is going to do to fix himself. MC isn't going to do that for him. He needs to be evaluated by a sex addiction specialist and enter serious, hardcore therapy.

I encourage you to focus on yourself. He needs to work this process for HIMSELF.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your husband in IC?

Why was he looking for men to give/receive oral sex?

This is something he really needs to figure out. Until he does, he isn't a safe person for you.

Straight men don't look to have sex with other men.

FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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