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Newest Member: ConfidentJayne (61852)

User Topic: Who pays? (Not dating related)
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bunch has been invited to their uncle's wedding (ex-asshat's youngest brother). We moved to a different state a couple months ago and this would require travel to our old state.

Frankly, I don't have the money to get them there. I know they'd like to go, though. ex-asshat hasn't seen them in forever (years) and hasn't paid CS for over six years now.

Who should foot the bill for the travel involved if they do go?

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 16077 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think their father should pay for everything if they go. If he refuses then they cannot go. It's his side of the family and you don't have the money for it. If you had the extra money it would be a different thing but you don't have it so if he wants them there he needs to step up.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3988 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH is estranged from his family. I am not. I would pay if I had the money. If not, they wouldn't go as much as they would love it.

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6708 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do they want to go because they might see their father or because of uncle?

You don't have the money. If they want to go, what are the chances A$$hat would pay? Is he attending? Are they going to get their feelings hurt if he is asked to pay and he says no. Would he make an effort to see them at the wedding or would he just basically ignore them while they are there? More chances of feelings hurt.

And also I agree with gahurts.

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorced-Let my new beginning start

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are the grandparents around on that side and can they step in to pay?

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4324 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd simply reply back to uncle thank you, the kids would love to attend, but you don't have the money to send them, so you will have to regretfully decline. And then leave it in his hands. If that side of the family wants to come up with a workable plan to get them there, then good on them. If not, you've fulfilled your etiquette obligations.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10189 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most definately exasshat and/or his family should pay for the travel and accommodations. Let your bunch know that "you would if you could" pay. Kids can better accept disappointment if it is given in a sympathetic to their needs kind of way.

I like Skan's way of communicating this to your ex bil.

Have your kids make a gift (or buy one with their pooled money) or a card to send to their uncle and his new wife.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:54

Posts: 4137 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 7

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