It's the strangest thing.
I went on OLD finally, mostly for some ego boost because I've been down so low-I know, shallow-but where I live there's not really anyone to meet except at the nursing home or bus stop.
Most of the experience has been getting to the "ask out" stage and then they poof. There've been some really interesting contenders and some, well, not so.
The problem is the other day I started having flashbacks of my mother in law and it's very, very weird. Weirding me out.
I remember the day she died vividly of late, because of the 50 IL's I had, I was the only person in the room with her...the nurses stepped out to change the whatevers in the room.
I think I'm searching for more letting go or for her permission or something? No one else has come to mind in the whole group, in this way, but her. We loved each other and I will confess, Perv is the youngest of 15-yes, I was married to the youngest of 15 kids. That's not a short order, though I was the tallest in the short group of SIL's.
Apologies for the ramble anyway...
I wonder if this will go away if I stop looking or if I plod on? Usually with high anxiety -I think this is, knowing me-it will go away. Like when I started back to school, the panic attacks left after a few grades came back.
I thought maybe writing it out would help and any feedback is great. I see her in my mind and her voice is clear, memories of her, that is.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.