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Last week when I was attending my weight loss meeting, one of the ladies brought up the fact that she feels jealous when her kids show favoritism towards their dad. She mentioned that when the dad is around all attention is on him and she just sits there with not much interaction. She also said that her kids talk up a storm around dad, exactly the way she would have liked them to do with her, but they seem to be a bit tight lipped with her.

Since I do not know much about this woman and her family situation, I cannot offer any more details.

The word that stuck with me was : jealous.

Does any of you get jealous when your kids show more attention to their dad than they do to you? if so, why?

I think that is sad. No, I don't and never did. As a matter of fact, I was always entranced and charmed at the interaction between my sons and their dad (still am) It was one of the things that I missed when he was otherwise engaged in things that should not be named in this forum.

I bet there is more to her story than you know.

Sounds like my mother. She's a wonderful person, but she's always been socially awkward. She just does not know how to interact with other people. It's caused her quite a bit of heartache over the years.

My father was a golden boy--almost everyone loved him. He was outgoing, funny, more than a little wild. My mother lived in his shadow for many years. I could just hear her saying this sort of thing.

Growing up, my mother was jealous of the time we (my brother and I) spent with our dad, but not of Dad. She was jealous of me. I spent years being viewed as competition for my Dad's affection. It was very alienating as a child.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 2:15 AM, July 12th (Saturday)]

Sometimes I feel a little hurt would be the word for it I guess, when the kids talk about how wonderful their father is or something their father has done.

When they share these stories with me they seem to forget all the stuff he doesn't do for them. In reality he isn't there for them. They truly are his last priority if that even. But the kids don't know that he doesn't pay their CS or that he hasn't paid anything towards their medical expenses or brought them any clothes or pays nothing towards their education. He doesn't show up to anything, no sports, no school events nothing.

I can't compete with the money he has or the things he buys I just don't have the money. But he is a Disney parent and I figure one day they will know the truth and understand why I couldn't buy the latest video game or go on overseas holidays.

I don't view it as a popularity contest but it would be nice to be acknowledged for what I do for our kids sometimes.

Maybe this is what this parent was feeling rather then jealousy?

Bluebird, your feelings are normal and natural resentment and you are very special to hide it from your kids. You are right that eventually they will see the truths behind the mask.

BlueBird:

I can understand your feelings but keep in mind that in time, your girls will figure out what is going on. They will be able to see what truly was going on and they will appreciate everything you've done for them..

I love that they view him in this way! I want him to be our girls knight in shinning armor! And of course my son must think he is the greatest man on the planet. I dont get "jealous" or even hurt. I know they love me just as much. There is a bond between a mother and her children and a father and his children. They are not in competition, they are equal. I do sometimes think about the stuff hes done and think "if they could only understand" but they dont and would I really want them too?

One day they'll figure it all out. One day they'll know and hopefully by that time we will be stable enough to where it doesnt affect them. I wouldnt want them viewing him as a betrayer. Then who would they ever trust?

I don't feel jealous when my children show a preference to WH over me...in fact it's a relief! That means he is actually interacting with them, not on his computer, or napping, etc.

When he does play with them, or help them with something I am thrilled. It's so nice to watch them together.