My H and I have been married for 14 years, my second, his first. Two years ago I was diagnosed with left breast cancer and went through surgery and 10 weeks of intense radiation with him only taking 1 day off during that time. A few months later he dropped a ball in my lap about his mother coming to spend winter with us. He, his mother, and sister all planned the visit without my knowledge. Before leaving, she made sure to let me know how she felt about me in my own home, screaming, yelling at me like a mad woman.
Few weeks later started having trouble with my right shoulder and had surgery last September. I tried to talk with my husband about all the emotions I was going through. I didn't take much time off after the surgeries, and he wouldn't listen or try to support me through any of these physical or emotional things. The only time he would come near me was when he wanted sex, grabbing at me, saying "lets go do it", and that pushed me away even more. To top it all off, I lost my high paying job back in March.
I have always been the one that carries most of the financial responsibilities and pushed myself back to work to make sure the bills got paid.
I noticed he was getting distant and hiding out in the garage with his iPad and cell phone, placing a chair behind my car where he couldn't be seen. Back in March he was taking selfies posting them on Facebook, riding his bike, walking around the block trying to lose weight, being critical and finding fault with me. Saying things like, you are going to find yourself alone, told him I was alone when I met him.
He is one that he has never been able to carry on much of a conversation with me. I feel our conversations have been very shallow and without substance. Every time we would have a disagreement, he would threatened me about leaving.
Back in May we had someone to steal one of our credit cards and used it few places out of town, he told me he received a call from the area the credit card was used on his cell phone. I went in to the cell phone billing to see if I could find the number listed but instead found pages and pages of this one phone number texting and calls that went all the way back from almost a year (he had even accused me of checking up him). So I called the number and did not get an answer, a few minutes later she called me back and when she heard my voice, hung up rather quickly. I called my husband at work and asked him about the number he was texting so much. He told he had to go and hung up on me. I didn't hear from him, the rest of day.
He got home and said you have something to say, I told him no, he had something to tell me. He told me had been texting and calling "Angela" a former co-worker and his excuse was, I was listening to her because her grandfather had cancer and was dying, then it was she needed a work reference. I looked at him and said your wife had cancer and you could have cared less and it took you nine months to give her a work reference? He just stood there then I am leaving came out again.
I called this "Angela" the next day, of course she didn't answer her phone so I text her which she responded and my husband had been telling her how unhappy he was in his marriage and how bad a wife I was and that he would be leaving me to find his own happiness. I told her do you know how many miserable people that's out there, including herself, who have left spouses to find happiness to find themselves worse off? He told her things that should only been discussed with the 2 of us. She even told me I needed MC and here she was the one texting my husband!
When he got home next day, he came in the door with I am sorry and to forgive him. I couldn't say anything. He denied any PA but he has lived a lie for about a year. I don't trust him because the day after he asked me to forgive, I went into one of email accounts and he written her an email still blaming me for his infidelity. Another email sent the D-day, warning her that I had found out he had been texting her and not to answer her phone with a response from her sent to another email account, wanting to know what number I would be calling from. I confronted him again that he was only sorry being caught then he started saying, you bringing this up all time, it's been the same thing for 14 years, I am leaving. I lost it!! He started saying, I love you, I am not leaving. The bottom fell out and I have been reeling ever since. He hasn't come clean yet, he will not talk to me about it. I confronted him again the other night about him blaming me for his selfish actions and choices like everything else he is acting as though nothing ever happened and has swept it under the rug. He said it was over, that he hadn't text or emailed since D-day. My trust has been destroyed!! He knows too many ways around with all these technical things to be in contact with her. I set some boundaries that if he said "I am leaving", he would be out the door and who was he going to be accountable to, it sure wasn't me that he had gone beyond boundaries of our marriage vows!
He is sex craved right now and makes so many sexual comments to me that it makes me sick on my stomach. He took me out to lunch today for my birthday and on the way home, I was telling him about a man in the restaurant that kept staring at me and I thought the man winked at me. His comment was, shoot, I should of found how much I could have gotten for you!!! I felt sick and wanted to vomit. I asked who are you and where is my husband?
I have been reeling since D-day without any answers!! I feel he has used me as an ATM and whore. How much longer with this man who cannot talk to his wife but spend hours talking to the OW without so much as a blink, telling me she was nice to talk to and when I asked him if he was unhappy in his marriage, his response was, I told you and I asked "when"? He said when I told you, "its been the same for 14 years" and I was suppose to understand that as unhappiness!!! I do not know where to go from here!