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Newest Member: Thankful (46008)

User Topic: I finally found the OW
gonegirl
43859
Member # 43859
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just pieced it all together. I scoured FB and the card charges.

He's been telling me I'M the one that cheated years ago, that we aren't good for each other, that there is no one else (just that ONS on May 23), that he wants the divorce to hurry up and go through and it will be good for both of us.

Yeah tonight I broke my "no new hurts" rule and while it's all technically circumstantial since he locked me out of the phone records and I haven't seen them together, if it looks like a duck...

I am sobbing on the floor. I KNOW I filed. But it feels like Dday all over again. I am fighting the urge to drive to her apartment to see if his truck is there to confirm. I want to call him, text him, find him and scream at him. But I know it would be pointless.


Me: BW 30 (now)
Him: Who cares
DS 6 (sole custody)
DDay May 2014
Divorce Final December 2014
"She took a step and didn't want to take anymore, but she did." --The Book Thief

Posts: 144 | Registered: Jun 2014
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((hugs)) He's a jerk and a liar. You know that. You were right.


hopefully you'll hit the anger stage soon. Use that anger in the D. So, he wants it all done quickly? Well, then, you can use that. Are you in a fault state? If so, then go get some proof and it will help you in the D.

But don't tell him anything.

And give yourself space to grieve.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1114 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Pass
♂ 38122
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sobbing on the floor. I KNOW I filed.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this, but it's totally normal for what you're going through.

I told my shrink one day that since I was the one who initiated the separation, it made no sense for me to be so sad: After all, I had gotten what I wanted.

He corrected me: "This isn't what you wanted. You wanted a happy marriage."

You don't need anyone's permission to feel sad. You've been mistreated, and your marriage is ending. You should expect a metric shitload of sadness.

It takes a hell of a long time, but you will get past it some day, I promise.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah yes. The days of sobbing on the floor - still have mascara stains on my carpet from those times...they SUCK.

TT SUCKS. Your reaction is normal. It will pass. Promise. Soft centre is right - if you can find that anger it makes things SO much better to deal with.

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((gonegirl))

it doesn't matter who filed, it is still painful.

do what you need to do to get through the moments. some bits of knowledge are far more painful than we expect.

rest lots, drink some water, be kind to yourself and buy some waterproof mascara.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8538 | Registered: Apr 2008
hexed
♀ 19258
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((gonegirl))

it doesn't matter who filed, it is still painful.

do what you need to do to get through the moments. some bits of knowledge are far more painful than we expect.

rest lots, drink some water, be kind to yourself and buy some waterproof mascara.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8538 | Registered: Apr 2008
homewrecked2011
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can, get a PI to take photos for you-- in my town it's less than 500 if you know where/when they meet. Just get some professional photos, and the pi will also document how long they were in her place together... in my state 2hours is all some judges need for adultery to be proven.

Do not go over there yourself... I remember someone on here a long time ago posted that they saw their H come out of their bedroom with the OW -- he looked her straight in the eye and said he was showing her a new picture they had put in their bedroom. These WS are brutal to us.

If you can read Love Must Be Tough -- it tells you how to treat the WS like an addicted teen, stand up to them, and keep yourself centered when you feel you are going to fall apart....The author says to be as confident in yourself as possible, as you are the person living in reality, and you want consequences to hit your spouse square between the eyes. He says your spouse has crossed the line of respect and this will not be tolerated, but you must show with your actions, not your words, because the WS doesn't hear words, they NEED you to be strong and make them decide whether to be irresponsible or responsible with your Calm, Cool, Collected self....YOU are the prize, they are like a drug addicted teen caught up in the high of infidelity..

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:55 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]


Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed


Posts: 2379 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 7

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