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I finally found the OW

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gonegirl posted 7/12/2014 04:05 AM

I just pieced it all together. I scoured FB and the card charges.

He's been telling me I'M the one that cheated years ago, that we aren't good for each other, that there is no one else (just that ONS on May 23), that he wants the divorce to hurry up and go through and it will be good for both of us.

Yeah tonight I broke my "no new hurts" rule and while it's all technically circumstantial since he locked me out of the phone records and I haven't seen them together, if it looks like a duck...

I am sobbing on the floor. I KNOW I filed. But it feels like Dday all over again. I am fighting the urge to drive to her apartment to see if his truck is there to confirm. I want to call him, text him, find him and scream at him. But I know it would be pointless.

Softcentre posted 7/12/2014 04:19 AM

((hugs)) He's a jerk and a liar. You know that. You were right.


hopefully you'll hit the anger stage soon. Use that anger in the D. So, he wants it all done quickly? Well, then, you can use that. Are you in a fault state? If so, then go get some proof and it will help you in the D.

But don't tell him anything.

And give yourself space to grieve.

Pass posted 7/12/2014 08:16 AM

I am sobbing on the floor. I KNOW I filed.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this, but it's totally normal for what you're going through.

I told my shrink one day that since I was the one who initiated the separation, it made no sense for me to be so sad: After all, I had gotten what I wanted.

He corrected me: "This isn't what you wanted. You wanted a happy marriage."

You don't need anyone's permission to feel sad. You've been mistreated, and your marriage is ending. You should expect a metric shitload of sadness.

It takes a hell of a long time, but you will get past it some day, I promise.

nekorb posted 7/12/2014 08:32 AM

Ah yes. The days of sobbing on the floor - still have mascara stains on my carpet from those times...they SUCK.

TT SUCKS. Your reaction is normal. It will pass. Promise. Soft centre is right - if you can find that anger it makes things SO much better to deal with.

(((Hugs)))

hexed posted 7/12/2014 08:46 AM

((gonegirl))

it doesn't matter who filed, it is still painful.

do what you need to do to get through the moments. some bits of knowledge are far more painful than we expect.

rest lots, drink some water, be kind to yourself and buy some waterproof mascara.

hexed posted 7/12/2014 08:46 AM

((gonegirl))

it doesn't matter who filed, it is still painful.

do what you need to do to get through the moments. some bits of knowledge are far more painful than we expect.

rest lots, drink some water, be kind to yourself and buy some waterproof mascara.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/12/2014 20:49 PM

If you can, get a PI to take photos for you-- in my town it's less than 500 if you know where/when they meet. Just get some professional photos, and the pi will also document how long they were in her place together... in my state 2hours is all some judges need for adultery to be proven.

Do not go over there yourself... I remember someone on here a long time ago posted that they saw their H come out of their bedroom with the OW -- he looked her straight in the eye and said he was showing her a new picture they had put in their bedroom. These WS are brutal to us.

If you can read Love Must Be Tough -- it tells you how to treat the WS like an addicted teen, stand up to them, and keep yourself centered when you feel you are going to fall apart....The author says to be as confident in yourself as possible, as you are the person living in reality, and you want consequences to hit your spouse square between the eyes. He says your spouse has crossed the line of respect and this will not be tolerated, but you must show with your actions, not your words, because the WS doesn't hear words, they NEED you to be strong and make them decide whether to be irresponsible or responsible with your Calm, Cool, Collected self....YOU are the prize, they are like a drug addicted teen caught up in the high of infidelity..

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:55 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]

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