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So about 3 months ago my anitdepressant script ran out and I decided not to refill. And all in all I have felt pretty good. In MC the other night my wife was asked if she had noticed any changes in me. Her response was "small ones maybe". I think we both have come to see one big one. I don't seem to be in tune with her like I was. What I mean is...I don't seem to catch up to what she is feeling, and saying to me. She has been in a bad spot for a couple months. Maybe about as long as I have been off meds. Don't really think that's why but maybe conected.

I see her as almost being back to dday. She has huge mood swings. Huge triggers. Small triggers. Small that become large. Gets wigged over phone calls of numbers and people we don't know. Its very hard on her and very hard on me. I have missed somethings I think by not being in tune. Being off the meds has made me more aware of what I'm feeling. Not the huge mood swings I had all my life, but more aware of what I'm feeling at anyone moment. The meds seemed to keep that more even and I believe more in tune with what my wife is feeling.

So I made an appointment today to go see my doctor and redo my script. Hope this will get me back to a more even place where I can help myself and my wife. We will see if I'm right. I do believe they quite the thoughts and feelings to the point of much better focus.

Now I know this is not the cure to our problems. But anything to give us a chance. Ill take it.

I am curious about two things you said.

Being off the meds has made me more aware of what I'm feeling.

The meds seemed to keep that more even and I believe more in tune with what my wife is feeling.

I guess I would ask you if being in tune with your own feelings are as important in your (and your C) than being in touch with your BWs?

It's an honest question. I feel like I am in tune with my BWs suffering more than I should be sometimes, and I am not sure if it's a good or bad thing KWIM?

what is your BW doing to work on and heal herself?

Well. I think its a matter of finding the middle. Not letting one or the other take over. Can't lose her or myself. So if the meds were doing that...and seemed to. Then that's what I want. I don't know if I could tell you for sure what her process is. She is on SI everyday...for better or worse. And now we are in MC. So that's what I know. She tries to focus on positive post here. She tries to talk to me before she gets to far.

I think that's what I was missing being off the meds. I wasn't seeing what was happening before it was happening. Being off the meds just seemed to make me more aware of my own things. Not both of us.

a couple things come to mind:

maybe the meds make you care less about your feelings. so that eliminates some of the distraction so you can focus on her feelings.

maybe your BS is more cautious to talk with you while you are not on your meds. Maybe she is scared of relapse to old behavior. have you sat and had an honest convo with her about the meds? what does she think about you being off of them? you had a discussion about the changes in you since you have stopped taking them, but what about the changes in her?

Just food for thought.

Well i know its not that i dont care. And we have talked about what im feeling and what she is feeling right now. I think it would be better to be on at this point.

She will probably always be fearful of a another affair or a change in my behavior. But if i have the power to help myself and her with a little pill. Thats a no brainer.

Reducing or stopping meds is a difficult decision. I have been on ADs for like 9 months. Things are going very well, and my doc and IC suggested lowering the dosage. BW was understandably very concerned.

I made sure to check in with BW more than usual. And I made sure I took a good inventory of myself. I have been looking for any little return to depression.

I think that the BS gets a gut feeling that things are slipping, even if they cannot put their finger on any specific thing. It's almost like a deja vu. The mood or vibe or whatever you want to call it seems familiar.

For me, I found that I was slipping just a little. I had to work a little bit harder to avoid withdrawing into depression. So I bumped my ADs back up to where they were. It might have been OK -- after all, everyone has to work through things and react in a healthy way. But right now, I don't have any margin for error, and I don't want to fall back.

I don't have any margin for error either. By her or myself. Just the way it is. So I do try and keep an eye on myself as much as I can. And to see if anyone outside of us says anything. I know in so many ways I have been up. And again just eaqually down at the same time. Life outside our marriage has never been better for me. Marriage is struggling.

Just because we are in a certin point neither of us can fully explain. Sometimes its like DDay all over again.

But we are still together and still working on it