So here we are wandering the halls of <dating site>. We see the illusions, the black holes, and the occasional glimmer of one that might just be, but as it turns out, is not. Relationships need patience, understanding, communication, support and most assuredly a sense of love and being loved. Many are focusing on activities, hobbies, and doing stuff as a measure of expressing what they seek and what they feel that they offer. I have had to accept that this is the lens through which many view as to what is important in someone they want to be with. My lens is different. Try as I might I find it hard to reconcile how finding a partner to move forward with in life, is something that is done without much thought to the things that I think are mission critical. What might you ask is mission critical? For me, the person I seek must have learned from their history and experience and has done the self examination and growth that makes them feel that yes I know how to do a relationship and I want to engage again. While I understand that many of us emerge from relationships that weren't working with a desire to be like shadows of ourselves when we were younger. I can often sense what some of you are looking to make up for lost time about maybe the things you didn't get to do before which you sure as hell aren't going to give up now. Profiles that feature sometimes exclusively, a desire for a Pepsi commercial lifestyle, are the ones that I am talking about. You know folks that want to always be on the go, laughing, traveling, fine dining, not a care in the world but seeking bliss through entertaining activities. Maybe there are some that truly are on the go, having fun, with lots of vacations, and do nothing but exciting things and are living the rock star lifestyle and just are here to find another hedonist to join the party. I am led to believe that by reading so many profiles, I just don't personally know anyone that lives like that for long. Sometimes, in fact most times, couples are living their lives, which are full of other things, You know, responsibilities, work, taking care of things. And most of us do those things and seldom talk of them because they don't create a vision of excitement. But look around the world, and you see that is what most of us are doing day in and day out. In that reality, the search for an ideal partner takes on a different meaning. I doubt it is hard to enjoy the pleasure of someone's company while paragliding off the Eiffel tower to eat a croissant at a fav cafe'. Yet as I do that kind of thing rarely, I would rather find someone whose company I enjoy within the life that I spend most of my time in. I enjoy fun and pleasurable things as much as anyone, but the true joy for me exists in the interconnectedness, interdependence and satisfaction that I imagine arises from being with the right person. The test is do I get her and does she get me? Are we both interesting and interested? I am drawn to women that are not vanilla or particularly conventional. More Phoebe than Monica if you get my drift. My dream is the possibility of that thrilling personality that still remains rooted in the real world too. Yet the curse of too much drama is something that quite frankly has eaten me alive on occasion. Is there a balance out there that fits me, I wonder. What do you get in return? Whipsaw smart, funny, perceptive, sensitive, fresh, a good listener, a better communicator, and perhaps at heart a good guy. I lay claim to integrity, truth, and to also being a bit of an enigma, and sometimes a bit moody, but always come around to be someone that you knew was worth waiting for. Do you want to live in a commercial or have a real life that is actually better?
Many are focusing on activities, hobbies, and doing stuff as a measure of expressing what they seek and what they feel that they offer. I have had to accept that this is the lens through which many view as to what is important in someone they want to be with. My lens is different. Try as I might I find it hard to reconcile how finding a partner to move forward with in life, is something that is done without much thought to the things that I think are mission critical.
What might you ask is mission critical? For me, the person I seek must have learned from their history and experience and has done the self examination and growth that makes them feel that yes I know how to do a relationship and I want to engage again. While I understand that many of us emerge from relationships that weren't working with a desire to be like shadows of ourselves when we were younger. I can often sense what some of you are looking to make up for lost time about maybe the things you didn't get to do before which you sure as hell aren't going to give up now. Profiles that feature sometimes exclusively, a desire for a Pepsi commercial lifestyle, are the ones that I am talking about. You know folks that want to always be on the go, laughing, traveling, fine dining, not a care in the world but seeking bliss through entertaining activities.
Maybe there are some that truly are on the go, having fun, with lots of vacations, and do nothing but exciting things and are living the rock star lifestyle and just are here to find another hedonist to join the party. I am led to believe that by reading so many profiles, I just don't personally know anyone that lives like that for long.
Sometimes, in fact most times, couples are living their lives, which are full of other things, You know, responsibilities, work, taking care of things. And most of us do those things and seldom talk of them because they don't create a vision of excitement. But look around the world, and you see that is what most of us are doing day in and day out. In that reality, the search for an ideal partner takes on a different meaning. I doubt it is hard to enjoy the pleasure of someone's company while paragliding off the Eiffel tower to eat a croissant at a fav cafe'. Yet as I do that kind of thing rarely, I would rather find someone whose company I enjoy within the life that I spend most of my time in.
I enjoy fun and pleasurable things as much as anyone, but the true joy for me exists in the interconnectedness, interdependence and satisfaction that I imagine arises from being with the right person. The test is do I get her and does she get me? Are we both interesting and interested?
I am drawn to women that are not vanilla or particularly conventional. More Phoebe than Monica if you get my drift. My dream is the possibility of that thrilling personality that still remains rooted in the real world too. Yet the curse of too much drama is something that quite frankly has eaten me alive on occasion. Is there a balance out there that fits me, I wonder.
What do you get in return? Whipsaw smart, funny, perceptive, sensitive, fresh, a good listener, a better communicator, and perhaps at heart a good guy. I lay claim to integrity, truth, and to also being a bit of an enigma, and sometimes a bit moody, but always come around to be someone that you knew was worth waiting for.
Do you want to live in a commercial or have a real life that is actually better?
But it says a lot about what he's looking for and not so much about himself, it almost sounds a little jaded & judgmental to me. I wouldn't respond to a profile like this because I wouldn't be able to tell if we have anything in common & I would assume he'd look down on me.
Which just goes to show you that it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round and he'll be a good fit for someone If you think it's you FF, go ahead and message him, you never know!
I did send him a note to say I identified with a lot of what he had to say, and we agreed the distance was too much.
Seems nice enough.
I get jaded looking at the "activity man" profiles, so I can relate... It's all very one-dimensional. (Really dude, kayaking, skiiing, whitewater rafting, fishing, sailing, motorbiking, hiking, spending every winter in Cabo?)
I got the sense that he wants to dig a little deeper and reveal himself IRL as opposed to advertising himself too much.
He gets points for using big words and having no typos...
[This message edited by FaithFool at 3:10 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one turned off by poor writing.
I agree with you that he sounds a bit jaded, but I would also be interested enough to respond. Too bad on the distance thing, FF.
Ironically, edited to correct a typo!!!
[This message edited by kernel at 3:43 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]
I picture this guy in linen drawstring pants and Birkenstocks.
And long hair.
Maybe an earring.
I get why it's piqued your interest. But I do like picturing him in all his enigmatic glory.
(And definitely agree with a ton of what he says!)
I picture this guy in linen drawstring pants and Birkenstocks. And long hair. Maybe an earring.
You ladies are tough, good thing I used Spellcheck.
But it's so purple prose-y that it raises red flags for me. It feels manipulative to me.
I would have met him just out of curiosity.
and this:
Bear in mind we're talking the 55+ crowd here. We've been around the block a few times, so we're pre-jaded
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62 Him: WXH-62 D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI) S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Oh & really Friends reference So he is looking for a vapid blonde who can't form a cohesive thought.
[This message edited by UndecidedinMA at 7:03 PM, July 14th (Monday)]
However, he sounds interesting though, and I probably would've responded. I would've asked him what his favorite physics theory is, or the artist he finds most inspiring, or come up with some crazy, off the wall question just for the sheer fun of it, seeing as he thinks outside the box and all!!
FaithFool, too bad about the distance, but friends are always good? If he sounds interesting to you (he sounds interesting to me, I like different) perhaps ask if he's interested in exchanging a few emails or phone conversations as friends seeing as you both have decided the distance makes dating difficult. At the very least you'll have a new friend, and sometimes those can turn into the best relationships. People can always move!! The worst that can happen is that he says 'no' to the offer of being a friend, and hey, if that happens, then he's missed out on a great opportunity of being friends with you!!
I have to say that I am finding OLD an equally entertaining and bizarre experience that overall the jury's still out on! Its nice to hear others experiences.
I have finally found my voice and it is good!
