Our wedding anniversary is coming up and I am feeling very anxious and triggery. Two years ago, a month after DDay 1, he gave me a plant. Not flowers... a plant. I am not really a gift person, but he loves to give gifts and so I was unimpressed.
It's been over a year since DDay 2, and R is going mostly well. We're talking about our relationship issues, so that's good.
He is stressing a lot about what to do for me for our anniversary. I actually feel like I need him to put serious effort into it this year. I told him all I want is a night AWAY with him so we can have mad crazy sex and not worry about kids. We don't have a lot of money, so I gave him a LOT of notice and he specifically said "leave it to me". So it's three days from our anniversary and he is so stressed out because I don't think we're going to be able to afford it; we are still paying off all the debt he racked up on paying for his MLC.
So it feels like he is doing the "devaluing" thing again. He is finding fault with me constantly: my expression is miserable, nobody respects him, he is trying, trying, trying and nothing makes me happy, blah blah yada yada.
I don't know how to address it. The "old me" would just pretend I changed my mind about the hotel and ask if we could just stay in and watch Netflix. But I don't want to let him off the hook this time. He had every opportunity to plan and prepare for this, and he didn't. I'm not angry about it, it isn't that. But I don't want to have to pretend I am not disappointed, and I don't want to make it ok that he didn't prioritize this.
I am a recovering co-dependant, so I honestly don't know how to navigate this so we both still feel respected.