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Dday 2 .....the sequel sucks

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Kattc posted 7/12/2014 23:12 PM

Really need some advice on how to deal with Dday2. First Dday I was overwhelmed with sadness and just wanted to fix things. Now it's almost a year later and I find out they hooked back up in January ...... Now I'm mad!!!!! We are now separated but he wants to reconcile. He says it's over but how can I ever trust him again? I still love him and miss him terribly.
Would love some insight on how others overcame the anger and was able to let WH back into their hearts.

hardtimesinlife posted 7/12/2014 23:29 PM

Hi Katt.
I never did get past it, truthfully.

tl502 posted 7/13/2014 00:20 AM

I don't know what it is about those 2nd dd, they're trust killers for sure. I'm not sure how to get past it either. The disrespect of it was overwhelming. Our R is, going pretty well these days, 1 year, and 4months post dd2, but something definitely died that day.

norabird posted 7/13/2014 01:01 AM

Is he willing to show transparency? To do IC?

Trust does not and should not come back unless he is walking the walk. Words are empty and you've learned tang you need to protect yourself, so don't feel bad for doing so. You are allowed to have boundaries and requirements before even thinking about another chance.

(((((& strength)))

Flourgirl posted 7/13/2014 02:01 AM

(Kattc) I'm sorry your world is blown up again. I wish I had some advice for you. I haven't figured that out yet.

Ostrich80 posted 7/13/2014 02:59 AM

So DD1 was a year ago and you just found out there was contact in Jan? How did you find out, did he tell you? I think that has a part in deciding. If he was having a heart to heart talk with you, then confessed, I would say is different than if he
hid it from you and you found out on your own. If its the latter, then I would be suspicious of more than 1 hook up.

OakStreet posted 7/13/2014 05:26 AM

Yes, the sequel REALLY sucks!

My WH took his A underground while we both were attending IC and MC after Dday 1.

I was working on R and he was faking it - I am not sure I can get over this compounded betrayal.
Our MC was 'shocked' when I informed him we were quitting MC and why.

So, now we wait. Both back in IC, waiting to resume MC. Now my WH is "all in", but I have no feelings for him....the shoe is on the other foot.

So, I have no advice for you about overcoming the anger. My IC says the anger is better than indifference.

Kattc posted 7/13/2014 08:44 AM he did not come to me with the info, I found out by chatting with his coworkers that they were still together.

Here is some background info.... They work together and have known each other for 15 years. When the first Dday happened they were both committed to making things work with their spouses. We went to MC and he went to IC. Then he said the IC was to overwhelming and quit. By January we quit MC too.

Things were rough between us because I was having a hard time with affair season and he wanted to forget it all and move on. So he turned to her for comfort . She wanted to leave her husband for him but he finally realized it was just escapism and broke it off in May .

At the end of June their was a staff party, the spouses were invited and I was determined to go. I am very close to his staff and have known most of them over 10yrs. I was not planning on grilling anyone about the two of them I just wanted to have a good time. But people were acting funny and throwing hints they knew something had transpired between my WH and OW. After a few drinks I got the guts to ask one of the women what she knew. She started talking about stuff about these last couple months not last year! I was in shock! What a fool I was! How could I have let someone lie to me everyday ! He has destroyed me!

He is now saying he still loves me and will do anything to fix it. But I just don't know if I can get past it.

cantaccept posted 7/13/2014 09:32 AM

I am so sorry for this.

My wh and I are separated also since dday 2. He claims to love me now and says he will do anything.

He says the words but there are no actions.

You don't need to make any decisions yet. Give yourself time to digest. It is up to him to show you that he is trustworthy and committed. The only thing you need to do right now is care for yourself.

I think that after a second dday it changes everything even more. It feels so deliberate, so callous. I think, at least for me, the effort on the part of the wayward would have to be enormous, consistent, over a very long period of time.

A very long period of time.

Be strong, you can do this.

heme posted 7/13/2014 11:01 AM

Ive felt completely numb since the second DDay. I can't get myself to make a decision about anything.

Ostrich80 posted 7/14/2014 19:06 PM

If they still work together, I don't know how you will get past it, especially since there was a DD2. Plus everyone at his job knows too...geez I would find that very difficult. Any chance he can find another job?

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